Ashraf Guroo
Despite the Prophet Mohammad (SAW)’s efforts to elevate women to the point where they, like men, acquired legal and social rights, but in South Asia the birth of a daughter remains something to mourn or, at best, to tolerate with perseverance. Among other reasons for the low value given to daughters is the feeling that she will not be able to contribute anything to the family, and will only put a burden on finances because of the age-old custom of dowry, which will be given to her at the time of her marriage. The giving of dowry is often equated with a religious ritual, some even attributing it to the Sunnah. In the books of the fiqh, where such detail is found about other matters, there is no mention of any such concept regarding a bride. The Arabic word ‘tajheez’, means to prepare someone for a journey, etc. The goods prepared are called ‘jahazun’. From this the Urdu word ‘jahez’ has been coined. In cultures where the daughter did not have the right to inherit property, she was given something at the time of her marriage as compensation. In India, the tradition of kanniya daan existed in which they tried to make up a little for the fact that the girl was not going to inherit any property. Also, because of the daughter’s weak legal position, the bride’s family gave expensive gifts to the groom’s family but received nothing in return. In some cases, the custom of demanding jahez developed with extreme cases demanding expensive items at the time of the wedding or threatening to call the ceremony off. Muslims in India, most of them being converts, retained the tradition and gave it the Arabised name ‘jahez’. People try to outdo one another in giving dowry to their daughters, so much so that the custom has taken root of displaying the goods for public viewing. It is considered a good deed to help in the procurement of jahez for poor girls, who would not be able to get married otherwise. It has also become a compulsion for the girls’ families to spend beyond their means on wedding expenses, so that a father who has several daughters is constantly in debt and the family leads a miserable life because of it. Sometimes, a family has to dispose of valuable property simply to take care of the wedding expenses. In the case of the example of the Prophet’s(SAW) daughter,Hazrat Fatima(RA), we learn that Hazrat Ali(RA) came to the Prophet Mohammad (SAW) and expressed his wish to marry her. The Prophet Mohammad (SAW) asked him if he possessed anything to offer as mehr. He replied that he had a horse and a saddle. The Prophet Mohammad (SAW) advised him to keep the horse and to sell the saddle. So he went and sold the saddle for 480 dirhams to Hazrat Usman(RA) and put all the money in front of the Prophet Mohammad (SAW). The Prophet Mohammad (SAW) prayed for the well-being of Hazrat Usman (RA) for paying a good price and at the same time gifting the saddle back to Hazrat Ali(RA). The Prophet Mohammad (SAW )then sent for some perfumes and gave the rest of the money for wedding preparations.
Even the practice of performing a marriage quietly, without any flamboyant display of wealth, but subsequently giving a lavish dowry to enable the bride to set up her home is contrary to Islamic practice.
The necessary items of daily use found on record to have been prepared for this wedding were a cot or woven bed, two pillows made of leather, two striped bed sheets, one quilt, two amulets, one goat-skin for carrying water, two pots for water, one hand-grinding mill, one cup and one prayer mate. Whatever the list of items, it is confirmed without any shadow of doubt that these items were selected and prepared by the Prophet Mohammad (SAW) family, but the cost was borne by the groom. Hazrat Ayesha(RA), along with other women, cleaned the house in which Hazrat Fatima(RA) was to move in; they prepared the floor by layering it with fresh clay, made the bedding, filled the pillows with a special grass and made wooden hangers for clothes. The Prophet Mohammad (SAW )is reported to have said that the best nikah is one in which the least amount has been spent. Those who can afford to give jahez should be the ones to oppose it and explain to the family of the groom that jahez is not an Islamic tradition. If, in every wedding, the families tried to do a little less than what their friends and relatives did, these wasteful customs could be contained to eventually die out. Islam has legislated the giving of the dower by the husband to the wife in order to please the woman’s heart and to honor her. It is also meant to bring an end to what was done in the Days of Ignorance wherein she was wronged, exploited, despised and robbed of her wealth. The dower is a right exclusively for the wife. It is her possession and none of her guardians or relatives may share any part of it. No one has any power over her concerning how she wishes to dispose of it, as long as she does so in a legally acceptable manner. She may give it away as a gift, she may lend it to others or she may give it in charity or do any other permissible acts she wishes with it. Islam has successfully maintained an even balance in society between men and women by giving its unequivocal endorsement to a practical division of labour, whereby women are placed in charge of the internal arrangement of the household, while men are responsible for its financing. The home is thus organised on the pattern of a microcosmic estate, with the man in a position of authority. The Quran is specified on this issue; Allah Says (what means): “Men are in charge of women by [right of] what [qualities] Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [in support] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband’s] absence what Allah would have them guard…” [Quran 4:34]. For largely biological reasons, women are well adapted to domestic pursuits while men, for similar reasons, are better suited to work outside the home. These physical and mental differences between men and women are, in practice, what underlay Islam’s division of familial responsibilities into internal and external spheres, with the woman dealing exclusively with the home and family and the man providing the funds. The dower was instituted because the goal of marriage is not the actual act of the marriage contract in itself. In fact, the actual purpose of marriage cannot be achieved unless the spouses stay in a state of marriage. However, that may not be achieved unless the dower is an obligation at the time of the marriage contract itself. In this case, when there come times that may lead the man to divorce his wife, such as estrangement or coarse behavior, the husband would not be willing to divorce his wife due to just the slightest act of rudeness that occurs. If it were not for the dower that was required due to the contract itself, it would be very easy for him to leave her. Therefore, the goals of marriage would not be met as the goals and benefits of marriage are only met when the two are in accord and agreement with one another but that accord will not come about unless the woman is something honored and special to the husband. But such honor will not come about unless he had to give up something important to him. This is because what is most difficult to achieve is most special to the person. Therefore, if the wife is not something special in the eyes of the husband, then he will dispose of her at the first sign of unhappiness, the accord will not occur and the purposes of marriage will not be achieved. What we see happening in some European countries, and indeed some Muslim countries, is very strange indeed. This is where the woman is required to furnish a dowry or provide the furniture for their future house. This is definitely turning the natural order of things upside down and goes against the nature of mankind. It leads to a great deal of social ills and behavioral harm. It is a means by which the woman is despised and belittled. Indeed, she is ruined because of it. If the woman is not able to gather enough wealth together for marriage, she will not be able to get married and, instead, will have boyfriends and affairs, and other evil results. Such a practice contains a great deal of evil and harm for the society; this practice may even bring about society’s end soon. There is a great difference between the case where the woman feels that she and what she possesses belong to her husband and where she feels that she is something desired and honored, as the fiancé spends money on her and gives her presents and so on to get her as his wife. One regrettable aspect of dowry-giving in recent times is that it is becoming more and more a matter of ostentation. Nothing could be more un-Islamic in motivation than this. Even the practice of performing a marriage quietly, without any flamboyant display of wealth, but subsequently giving a lavish dowry to enable the bride to set up her home is contrary to Islamic practice. It was certainly not the Sunnah of the Prophet Mohammad (SAW) may Allah exalt his mention. Hazrat Faatimah (RA), may Allah be pleased with her, was his favorite daughter, but he neither gave her a lavish dowry nor did he send things to her home after the wedding, and even when she, may Allah be pleased with her, made a request to him for something of a material nature, he only gave her the benefit of his counsel.
( The author is Lecturer at J&K Higher Education Department. Views are his own)