Divorced daughter is better than a dead daughter

Dowry related violence is a serious problem that affects the lives of daughters in our so-called modern society. Dowry includes gifts, money, goods or property given from the bride’s family to the groom or in laws before, during or any time after the marriage. The rate that a family pays in dowry can carry significant symbolic weight were the “greater the dowry results, better the status in the family. However, while providing a large dowry may act as a status symbol, it primarily serves to commodify women, equating their worth as a human being to the value of the dowry. Effectively, dowry system in our society dehumanizes our daughters by treating them as chattel. The origin of dowry lies in the patriarchal believes that a woman is a liability to her family. The tradition is, a man and his family are to be compensated for marrying a girl and taking care of her for the rest of her life. it’s a social custom in our society to gift expensive jewelry, furniture, and other valuable items at the daughter’s wedding. It is deeply embedded in the culture. Families, relatives, and neighbour’s genuinely care about the gifts and assets a girl brings from her father. It’s also a matter of status and pride for both families. Even highly educated and economically self-independent girls would not marry without bringing jewelerry, furniture, and other expensive gifts from their parents. Breaking this tradition is almost impossible In some cases, the groom and his family demand huge dowry. Marriages are fixed on the family’s ability to meet those demands. Sometimes, the demand for money or expensive items does not end after marriage. Women are tortured and abused to bring more cash or other assets from their parents which often leads to murder or suicide. Killing a newly married woman for dowry is widespread in our society. Despite many state and national level initiatives, laws, campaigns, and educational programs, the murder of women by her husband’s family continue to happen. According to the National Crime Records Bureau, 7,634 women died in 2015 – and 20 every day – due to dowry harassment. They were either murdered or took their own lives. Scholars cannot agree on the origins of dowry. One of the theories is that it originated from the country’s gendered inheritance rules. Women, traditionally, did not inherit family’s wealth. Dowry was seen as a way for the family to give women their share. This is often used a justification even today, despite laws like the 1956 Hindu Succession Act, which gave daughters equal rights to their family’s property. Traditionally, an Indian bride moves in with her husband’s family, a practice that is not uncommon even today. The sons are expected to stay and support their parents while their wives take over the domestic responsibilities like cooking and cleaning. The women’s contributions to household duties are not assigned any monetary value. So, she is essentially considered a freeloader unless she pays for her lodging and food expenses in dowry. Now with more women joining the workforce, this justification falls by the wayside too. But like the gender wage gap seen even in countries like the US, some things are so entrenched in the culture and gender politics that they defy all logic. It is not easy to get rid of them. India recognized dowry as one of the problems it needed to tackle as a young republic.
The Dowry Prevention Act of 1961 and later amendments aimed to outlaw the practice and empower women to report dowry extortions. The law criminalized both giving and receiving dowry, and it recommended a minimum imprisonment of five years and a fine equal to the amount of the dowry. It’s extremely vital now to reconstruct the social and cultural practices of patriarchal societies. Considering the damaging consequences, it is time for all of us to stand up against this evil practice. But, to end dowry or prevent dowry killings, we must enhance the value of women in Indian society. The social structure must grant women more power and freedom. The question is, are we ready for it yet? Can we even imagine women having complete control of their own lives? As long as we continue to have men as the decision-makers, protectors and controllers of women’s lives, violence and oppression against women will never stop. But the law has a rather narrow definition of dowry that excludes any voluntary gifts when no demands were made. This has given rise to a whole new vernacular when it comes to stating dowry demands without explicitly stating them. Even when the groom’s family does not make demands, the bride’s family pays a dowry because it is a matter of pride and a symbol of social status. Instead of outright refusing dowry, often people tell the bride’s parents, “You can give your daughter whatever you want.” And just like that, the burden of defining a “respectable” amount is shifted to the bride’s parents. And legally it would no longer be dowry. It has become politically fashionable to attribute all forms of violence and discrimination against women, including female infanticide and female foeticide to the economic burden of dowry that a daughter is said to represent. Dowry requirements are used as another excuse for considering daughters a burden. The anti-dowry movement, by limiting itself to the constant repetition of ‘dowry abolition’ as a panacea for women’s empowerment and as the primary strategy for ending their oppression, has only helped give further legitimacy to the conventional belief that daughters are an economic liability. We need to combat the culture of disinheritance if we wish to effectively combat the growing hold of dowry culture. There is little mention of exorbitant dowries causing the ruin of families in the literature of pre-British India. Ruin due to exorbitant dowry payments became a major theme in nineteenth century literature because this period witnessed an unprecedented erosion of women’s economic importance and inheritance rights due to the manner in which the colonial rulers carried out land settlement operations in India. The present-day dowry system symbolizes the disinheritance of women and the desperation of parents to push their daughters out of their homes after marrying them off, no matter how this affects their well-being. Failure to do so is considered a severe stigma on the family’s izzat (reputation). Since the woman is being sent as a disinherited dependent, the receiving family has to be compensated. Once women become equal inheritors, parents will not have to depend only on sons and daughters-in-law for old age security because daughters too will be empowered to take care of their parents. This will make families less malecentric and therefore, less prone to violent tussles. We need to combat the culture of disinheritance if we wish to effectively combat the growing hold of dowry culture.
(The author is a freelancer. Views are his own)
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