It is a well off saying..! “Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also harder to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden. It is easier to say, “My tooth is aching” than to say “My heart is broken”. I was an eighth class student when my English class teacher, my favorite and dearest teacher, asked me of my future goal and aim in life…. I hurriedly stood up and replied. “mam I want to become a doctor.” Like all other students in my class I had the aim and we enjoyed telling our respective aims, someone wanted to become engineer, someone a lawyer etc. Days remain passing, I qualified my matriculation in 2016, the same year Burhan wani was gunned down and it was no challenge for us to face the board examination at the time when whole valley was in the state of turmoil., for we took it for granted that there would be mass copying and leniency and it would be an easy task to pass it even for a below average student, fortunately I as an above average one as once said by my grandfather after seeing my maths performance in an interschool competition in which I had headed the list, Govt was very eager to keep the examination stand for they took it a great achievement to held the examination at due date in the mass agitation and turbulence. I got A+ grade in the examination, and now I was given both medical and non-medical as my future stream. Taking both biology and mathematics is not an easy task and I was motivated to take…! Now I had to prepare both biology and maths and I was sent to a private coaching center in parraypora for coaching purpose as it is a common tradition now a days, if a boy takes medical or non medical as his /her stream, he /she has to join private tuition at parraypora. These two years that is of my 11th and 12th class, I consider as the worst chapter of my life.
I along with my father used to remain there on rent, and I was not allowed to move out from our flat without his proper consent. On 16 August 2018 I got discharged from my tuition center and we had to go back home. After a great struggle I passed my 12th class with a percentage of 80 and for me it was a huge percentage… It was January 2019 that our 12th standard result were out and I was sent back to parraypora for my entrance coaching in connection with NEET and JEE which include about 3months. This decision was the second decision; first one was my admission in Sri Pratab college Srinagar which was absolutely against my will. I wanted to stay at home and prep there for the entrance e exams. I would always remain at odds with my father and uncle concerning their decision of admitting me again at Parraypora Srinagar which was no less kotbalwal for me.
Finally after tremendous force and ceaselessly phone calls from my Puphi to join again the tuition, I got admitted in Kashmir institute of excellence for another three months to peruse my NEET / JEE coaching. After 60 days there, I got mentally disrupted there and was brought back home, only 2 months now to go for entrance exams. I didn’t took the exam seriously and as expected I didn’t qualify even one. Now I was in a state of trepidation, what to do further in my life as my friends had already got enrolled in good colleges and universities. Now I would remain the target of every single member of our family, shouting their words of insult upon me.
Now my aim of becoming a doctor didn’t get fulfilled, I was sent to get myself enrolled in a local govt college which was totally against my choice. The day I got registered there, I didn’t talk to anyone, bycotted even eating as a mark of protest against the cruel decision of admitting me in govt. College. After a day long agitation, I was allowed to go through the website of Amity university Noida. It was an awesome decision, I was willing since days. I fulfilled all formalities of the university and fortunately I got direct admission on the basis of my English subject in the twin exams of state board. It was a moment of pride for me, so I went to see my cousins, wanted to have some enjoyment. But there my whole plan was collapsed, as they opposed the decision and wanted me to drop the year and prepare for another NEET. I got in a frustrated state and turned pale as my day long celebrations had ended with a sad note. I got upstairs with a broken heart and laid the”prayer mat” (zaynamaz) in my uncle’s room, wept as I was now totally disappointed with my life and carrier. We dined together, slept without seeing my ailing grandpa. Mamaji made me to wake up early in morning at the time of Fajr to seek help from the lord. It was 8.00 a. m, I left for home, middle in the way I was called back by my elder cousin Irfan byi,assistant professor by profession at SHRI MATA VESHNOU DEVI UNIVERSITY JAMMU, Joy on his face he said you have last fair chance at my university in economics field. Overwhelmed with joy, I said… “bar jldi teli farm”. I got enrolled there as I had a good chance and switched to economics which I had never even touched but my abuji had once said, “Che chu Haseeb drabuin paeth banun”. Now I wait for my entrance result with cent percent hope of qualification.
(The author is a class 12 Student. Views are his own [email protected])
