You are not alone. I know how you must be feeling. Living in Kashmir for me is the ultimate paradox. you miss it if you leave it yet you feel in chains when you are there. Why should it not feel like you are in a prison. You have an unbalanced ratio of people to security personal. Every Tom,dick and harry can ask you questions regarding whatever they want. You have to carry an Identification card so that you can prove you are from Kashmir an irony of sorts. You can be taken into jail, your home vandalized just because a sahib thought it was a right thing to do. You feel like a pariah in your own place. You feel like a bird in cage who wants to move out and fly over sky. You sometimes feel you having nothing to lose but life. You get frustrated and angry. You want to change everything, but you feel miserably powerless. You want to live normal life yet everything conspires against it. You want a new sunrise yet the night never ends. You want to leave this prison but when you move out of Kashmir, you start missing it. You miss that cool breeze in the day or sun setting into the arms of mountains. You always have tear rolling down your cheeks counting the days of return to the prison.
Kashmir gives you scars yet it also mitigates the pain. It is prison without golden chains. It’s a prison that breaks you. It kills a part of your plans every day, yet it is home to us. Life in Kashmir is not on halted. Hartals and curfews have spared us for a moment. But no one is gullible enough to be hopeful. Who knows who might die and who might get martyred tomorrow? We will be thrown into the dark pit of despair again, where four walls of our homes are used as jails by the government. Government loves to ban the internet now. Oh, you just give them a reason and “internet services will be discarded in compliance with government orders. Every alternate morning I wake up to this damned message— “internet services have been discarded in compliance with government orders. I want to smash my phone into thousand pieces when I see this message, or at least throw this Jio Sim in Jhelum, because Jio is the first network that discards internet in compliance with government orders.
The real reason behind these internet bans is “encounter”. The army traps a militant in some corner of the Kashmir and internet is discontinued for everyone. Seems like the army is cornering one each day. Occasionally whenever internet is snapped, people just ask “So where is this encounter happening?” Militants have gained celebrity status in Kashmir. Youngsters join the Hizb, Lashkar, JeM etc and become Kashmir’s next superstars. Everyone updates their status to “Long live this young boy.” Facebook is flooded by posts praising the newly appointed recruits. Everyone wishes them long life or martyrdom (which is quite ironical.) I can describe situation in Kashmir like-(Summed up Points) . Morning starts with reading newspaper (Greater Kashmir or Aftab) to check whether any strike call is there or not. So people can plan whether to go to earn their livelihood or to stay at home. If it’s not a strike, then people go to their respective offices or other sources where they work. If it has been few days of strike before this day, then there will be huge traffic in every lane of Kashmir (especially Srinagar). School buses everywhere, ensuring students reach school on time because of traffic jams, as people were at their home because of strikes few days back. On the way to offices or schools, we can see thousands of army men standing on every street, every corner holding their guns (doing their duty). Some gazing at Kashmiri people, some giving soft looks (different natures). Some army men will stop you unnecessary asking for your ID card and with few question like where are you going, etc, etc (not every time). Most of the offices end up at 5 or 6 and you will be home upto 6:30 pm. After reaching home, it’s time for Noon Chai (Salt Tea of Kashmir) with family. After this, spending time with friends, family, etc upto 8. Most of the indoor markets will get closed by 8 and all the people inside their houses. It’s the normal daily life of the people of Kashmir. This doesn’t limit Tourists visiting to Kashmir to enjoy their visit. After all, its heaven on the earth.
(The author is student of medical sciences and a budding writer. Views are his own [email protected])
