Recently, on Iqbal Day (November 9th), my friend Mohsin Ali Moomin, a PhD scholar,shared several recorded couplets to me, and later sent a link with the caption ‘Yath di nazra’ (Have a look). The video inspired me in many ways-its innovative storytelling and the captivating voice of Mohammad Hussain Zaffar, a renowned radio broadcaster. The story, Password, resonated deeply. Written by Mohsin, it poignantly depicts society’s harsh realities, particularly in marriage. The story is about a boy and girl who met at a cafe. The girl approached the boy and asked, Can I use your Hotspot? The boy said yes, and then she asked, Can you share your password?.The password is unmarried,he replied. The girl smiled and nodded. Anyway, nice password.The conversation continued. The girl asked, are you really unmarried?. He replied, Yes. She started appreciating him in many ways. Just as she was about to express her love, she asked one final question, What do you do? I’m unemployed, he said. The girl took a U-turn and left without uttering a single word. The boy then changed his hotspot password from unmarried to unemployed. The above story isn’t just fiction; it is ground reality that the young generation is facing when it comes to marriage. A friend of mine always used to say, marriage is difficult task when it comes to Kashmir. Intrigued, I asked him to elaborate. He revealed a laundry list of unrealistic expectations. The ideal groom should possess Dr. Zakir Naik’s scholarly wisdom, Salman Khan’s charm, Mukesh Ambani’s wealth, and own a house rivaling Shah Rukh Khan’s. I initially laughed, but now I recognize the painful truth in his words. But now a days his saying is apt. Even i want to add more parameters like caste, family background, number of family members, CIBIL score because not just horoscope but your CIBIL score can also impact your marriage. Recently, another friend of mine was talking to a matchmaker over the phone and he said to him that i need a girl who is not in search of a Yateem (Orphan). When iinquired about this term, he explained, that girls refusing to marry someone with multiple siblings, seeking financial stability and i need a girl , who loves living in a joint family.
“The escalating cost of weddings in Kashmir has become a significant obstacle for families, leading to delayed marriages due to financial constraints. Until now, I believed that we struggle to marry off our children due to these rituals. However, there’s another side to the coin, we seek hundreds of parameters in a groom/bride before selecting them. The final straw is when matchmakers ask for land details, as if the bride is ready to cultivate it. In today’s world, the yardstick for success is often the size of one’s Smartphone, the brand of their car, and the price tag of their accessories, rather than the depth of their character, the strength of their relationships, or the positive impact they have on their community.”
A recent survey by Tehreek e Fala-Ul-Muslimeen exposed a disturbing reality: nearly 50,000 girls in Kashmir Valley are nearing marriageable age due to unnecessary rituals. But who’s responsible? We often blame societal expectations, yet we’re part of this society. It’s time to take a stand. We can make a difference by simplifying Nikkah ceremonies. No one can stop us if we choose to do so. Unfortunately, social media influencers are perpetuating these customs, promoting extravagant expenses like Wazwan, dry fruit boxes, and luxurious tents. The escalating cost of weddings in Kashmir has become a significant obstacle for families, leading to delayed marriages due to financial constraints. Until now, I believed that we struggle to marry off our children due to these rituals. However, there’s another side to the coin, we seek hundreds of parameters in a groom/bride before selecting them. The final straw is when matchmakers ask for land details, as if the bride is ready to cultivate it. In today’s world, the yardstick for success is often the size of one’s Smartphone, the brand of their car, and the price tag of their accessories, rather than the depth of their character, the strength of their relationships, or the positive impact they have on their community. The conditions set by our society remind me of Jaun Elia’s poignant couplet:
Khayal-e-KhanaBarbaadi Na Karna
KabhiAey JAUN! Tum Shadi Na Karna
(Don’t ruin your imagination,
O Jaun! Don’t get married)
This verse resonates deeply, highlighting societal pressures and unrealistic expectations surrounding marriage. Where are we heading to? Have we forgotten Allah and the teachings of our beloved Muhammad (PBHU)? It’s time for introspection and change.
(The author is a freelancer. The views, opinions and conclusions expressed in this article are those of the author and aren’t necessarily in accord with the views of “Kashmir Horizon”)
Mohd Asif Jan
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