Kashmir often referred to as “Paradise on Earth,” is renowned for its scenic beauty, diverse traditions, and deep-rooted cultural heritage. For decades, the region has faced numerous challenges, including political unrest, economic instability, and social transformations. Amidst these challenges, a noticeable shift in the traditional marriage patterns has emerged, affecting the lives of the people of Kashmir in unforeseen ways. Late marriages, characterized by individuals marrying at a relatively advanced age compared to previous generations, have witnessed a steady rise in the past few decades. Where arranged marriages at a young age were once the norm, the younger generation now expresses a preference for pursuing education and career prospects before settling down. This shift has resulted in prolonging the age at which individuals in Kashmir typically tie the knot. However, this paradigm shift in the institution of marriage brings with it a host of concerns and consequences. On one hand, the delay in marriage means that young individuals have the opportunity to pursue higher education and achieve career aspirations, leading to increased independence and self-reliance. On the other hand, late marriages have given rise to various social challenges that require urgent attention. The average age for marriage in Kashmir has witnessed a significant shift in recent years, as individuals increasingly opt to postpone tying the knot. This change can be observed through data reports provided by various agencies, suggesting a considerable disparity between the average age for marriage in the past and the present. In the past, it was common for individuals in Kashmir to get married at a relatively early age. However, as we delve into the present scenario, it becomes evident that there has been a considerable increase in the average age of marriage. According to a recent study conducted by the Institute of Development Studies and Research (IDSR), the average age for marriage in Kashmir has risen steadily over the past decade. The report reveals that the average age for marriage among men has increased from 25 to 30 years, while for women; it has risen from 22 to 27 years. These findings align with another comprehensive study conducted by the Kashmir University’s Department of Sociology. The study indicates that over the past two decades, there has been a significant surge in the average age for marriage. In the early 2000s, the average age for marriage among men was approximately 23 years, while for women, it was around 21 years. However, in recent years, these figures have noticeably increased, with the average age for marriage now hovering around 30 years for men and 27 years for women. The reasons behind this shift in marriage patterns are multifaceted. Changing social dynamics, increasing awareness regarding education and career prospects, and evolving notions of gender roles have all contributed to individuals consciously choosing to delay marriage. With improved access to education and more opportunities for women in the workforce, individuals in Kashmir are prioritizing personal growth and self-fulfillment before entering into matrimonial commitments. This shift toward late marriages challenges traditional norms and is indicative of the changing aspirations and values of the younger generation in Kashmir. While this trend offers advantages such as increased educational attainment and financial stability, it also presents potential repercussions in terms of declining fertility rates, increased pressure on the healthcare system, and the potential disruption of the traditional family structure. Understanding the shift in the average age for marriage is essential in devising appropriate policies and strategies to accommodate these societal changes. As we compare the average age of marriage in the past and the present, it becomes evident that this significant shift in marriage patterns will continue to shape the future of Kashmiri society. Addressing the consequences and challenges arising from late marriages will require a holistic and inclusive approach that balances the aspirations of individuals with the maintenance of social harmony and well-being within the region. According to various reports and studies conducted by different agencies, it has been observed that the percentage of unmarried men and women in Kashmir is relatively high. These reports have shed light on the unique demographic and societal dynamics of the region. One such study conducted by the National Family and Health Survey (NFHS-4) states that the percentage of unmarried men in Kashmir is higher compared to the country’s average. The survey revealed that approximately 34% of men in the region are unmarried. Similarly, another survey conducted by the United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA) highlighted that the percentage of unmarried women in Kashmir is also significant. This report indicated that around 29% of women in the region remain unmarried. These reports emphasize that the reasons for the high percentage of unmarried individuals in Kashmir are multi-faceted. Factors such as socio-political conflicts, economic instability, and cultural norms have contributed to these statistics. According to the NFHS-4, Kashmir ranked among the top regions in India with the highest proportion of unmarried men. Similarly, the UNFPA report suggests that Kashmir also falls within the higher range when compared with other states in terms of unmarried women. In Kashmir, several factors contribute to the trend of late marriages, wherein individuals choose to delay their union until a later age. These factors encompass socio-economic, cultural, and personal aspects, shaping the perceptions and decisions of young men and women in the region. Unemployment has emerged as a significant factor leading to late marriages in Kashmir. The prevailing belief among families is that securing a government job is a prerequisite before entering into matrimony. This stems from the perception that government jobs offer stability, financial security, and social status, making it an attractive proposition for individuals and their families. Consequently, young men often find themselves waiting for extended periods to find suitable employment opportunities, postponing their marriage until they have secured a job. Similarly, females in Kashmir have developed certain expectations when it comes to choosing a partner, leading to delayed marriages. Many women seek a partner who possesses specific qualities such as having a secure government job, a young age, and ownership of property. This preference for an ideal partner has further contributed to the delay in marriages as these requirements often take time to fulfill. Women may face difficulty finding a partner who meets all these criteria, thus prolonging their single status. Financial constraints also play a significant role in postponing marriages in Kashmir. Modern wedding customs, which include elaborate ceremonies and extravagant celebrations, often come with substantial financial burdens. Families find it challenging to meet these expenses, resulting in a reluctance to enter into matrimony until they have accumulated enough resources to afford such weddings. As a consequence, individuals and their families opt to wait, save money, and organize weddings that align with their financial capabilities. Societal expectations and cultural norms also influence the decision to delay marriages in Kashmir. The emphasis on education and career-building has grown over the years, with families encouraging their children, both male and female, to pursue higher education and build successful careers. This focus on personal development and self-fulfillment has led to the prioritization of educational and professional goals, often leading to the postponement of marriages until individuals feel they have achieved a certain level of stability and success. Inter-caste perceptions and preference for marrying within one’s own caste has a significant role in the delay of marriages in Kashmir. The society often attaches great importance to maintaining caste-based identity and preserving cultural traditions. As a result, individuals may encounter resistance and opposition if they choose to marry someone from a different caste. The societal pressure to conform to these norms leads many individuals to delay their marriages until they find a suitable partner within their own caste, who is also compatible on various other aspects. As parental approval and involvement in the marriage process is highly valued in Kashmiri society. Children often wait for their parents’ consent and blessings before embarking on the journey of marriage. The decision to delay getting married stems from the belief that parental approval is crucial for a successful and happy union. This practice allows parents to have an active role in selecting a suitable partner for their child, considering factors such as family background, financial stability, and compatibility. As a result, individuals often wait until their parents agree to their choice or help in finding a suitable match before proceeding with marriage. The emphasis on education before marriage is another factor leading to delayed unions. Education is highly valued, and there is a cultural emphasis on obtaining higher degrees and achieving career goals before settling down in matrimony. Individuals, especially women, prioritize their education and professional development, aiming to establish a stable career before taking on the responsibilities of marriage. This pursuit of education and career success often leads to delayed marriages as individuals want to ensure they have achieved a certain level of independence and self-fulfillment before starting a family life. The desire to enjoy youth without the responsibilities of family life is another factor contributing to late marriages in Kashmir. Young individuals often want to explore and experience life, pursue personal passions, and enjoy their independence before stepping into the commitments and responsibilities associated with marriage. The desire to focus on personal growth, travel, career advancements, and enjoying life to the fullest without the added duties of family life lead many individuals to postpone marriage until they feel they have lived their youth to the fullest. Late marriages have become increasingly common in Kashmir, with individuals prioritizing their education, career, and personal development before settling down. While there may be several advantages to delayed marriages, such as increased emotional maturity and financial stability, there are also various repercussions that arise as a result.
“Education and awareness programs should focus on providing individuals with the necessary tools to build healthy and fulfilling marriages, rather than solely promoting societal or financial achievements. By reevaluating societal norms, challenging misconceptions, and providing the necessary support, we can create an environment where successful marriages are based on emotional fulfillment and mutual respect. Ultimately, it is the responsibility of each individual, their families, and society as a whole to embrace these changes and foster an environment where love, understanding, and happiness thrive in marriages”.
One of the challenges of late marriages in Kashmir is the increase in out-of-wedlock relationships and the emergence of a strong “girlfriend-boyfriend” culture. As individuals delay their commitment to marriage, they still experience natural desires for companionship and love. To fulfill these desires, many turn to relationships that are not bound by the institution of marriage. This has led to a rise in cohabitation and the formation of long-term partnerships without legal or societal recognition. The increase in out of wedlock relationships has generated a shift in societal norms and values surrounding relationships. The traditional notion of a committed and lifelong marriage is being challenged by the acceptance of alternative relationship dynamics. The concept of marriage is being questioned, with more individuals opting for non-traditional forms of partnerships. As a result, the definition of what constitutes a family has become more fluid and diverse. Late marriages also contribute to a reduction in the childbearing age and capacity of individuals in Kashmir. As couples delay starting a family, they find themselves faced with various biological constraints. Women’s fertility declines with age, and the chances of conception naturally decrease as they get older. Additionally, the risk of pregnancy complications and fetal abnormalities increases as a woman ages. This presents significant challenges for couples who desire to have children. In light of these challenges, many couples are turning to assisted reproductive technologies, such as in vitro fertilization (IVF), as an alternative to natural methods of conception. IVF allows individuals to bypass some of the biological limitations associated with late marriages. With advancements in scientific technology, couples can undergo IVF procedures that involve retrieving eggs from the woman, fertilizing them with sperm in a lab, and then transferring the resulting embryos to the woman’s uterus. The rising preference for IVF techniques is largely driven by the desire to overcome the difficulties of having children associated with late marriages. While IVF offers hope to couples who otherwise might struggle to conceive naturally, it comes with its own challenges and ethical considerations. The financial burden of IVF treatments can be significant, and the emotional toll of the procedure can be taxing on couples. Late marriages also contribute to an increase in divorce cases in Kashmir, primarily due to the difficulties couples face in conceiving children. When individuals decide to postpone starting a family until later in life, they often underestimate the potential challenges they may encounter when trying to conceive. As the biological clock continues ticking, and the window of opportunity for pregnancy narrows, frustrations and tensions within the marriage can escalate. The inability to have children places an enormous strain on a relationship, as couples may feel a sense of disappointment, sadness, and frustration. They may blame themselves or each other for their infertility struggles, leading to feelings of guilt and resentment. The emotional toll of navigating fertility treatments, disappointments, and failed attempts can take a significant toll on a couple’s mental and emotional well-being. In addition to the psychological impact, couples who are unable to have children also face social stigma. Society often places immense value on the ability to conceive and bear children. Infertility can be seen as a personal failure or a source of shame, with couples feeling isolated or judged by others. They feel pressured to hide their struggles or endure insensitive comments and questions from well-meaning friends and family members. The prevalent societal expectation that marriage should lead to parenthood exacerbate feelings of inadequacy and the sense of missing out on an essential milestone in life. Couples experience a loss of identity and purpose, questioning their worth and place in society. This lead to feelings of isolation and a sense of not belonging. The impact of infertility and the inability to have children have far-reaching consequences on a couple’s overall well-being, relationship dynamics, and mental health. It is essential to recognize that successful marriage is not solely based on money, job status, or external factors. Instead, it relies on the foundation of mutual understanding, respect, and emotional compatibility between partners. While financial stability is undoubtedly important for a secure future, it should not be the sole determinant of a successful marriage. Looking at the examples of various individuals, including high-ranking professionals like IAS officers and celebrities, it becomes evident that job and status are not guarantees of marital bliss. Many individuals with lucrative careers and high societal standing have experienced failures in their marriages. This highlights the fact that success in marriage is not solely dependent on external achievements, but rather on the emotional bond and shared values between partners. Further, it is important to consider the idea that it may be better to get married earlier in life rather than waiting for other aspects to fall into place before making the commitment. While pursuing education, career goals, and personal development are crucial endeavors, delaying marriage indefinitely can lead to missed opportunities for companionship, emotional support, and starting a family. In Kashmir, parents also play a significant role in the marriage decisions of their children. It is their moral responsibility to consider the well-being and happiness of their children, rather than solely focusing on societal or financial factors. Guided by love and understanding, parents should facilitate the process of finding suitable matches for their children at the right age, ensuring that their emotional and biological needs are met. In light of these considerations, it is crucial for society to redefine the definition of successful marriages and shift away from the emphasis on external factors. We should encourage open conversations about the importance of emotional compatibility, respect, and understanding within relationships. Education and awareness programs should focus on providing individuals with the necessary tools to build healthy and fulfilling marriages, rather than solely promoting societal or financial achievements. By reevaluating societal norms, challenging misconceptions, and providing the necessary support, we can create an environment where successful marriages are based on emotional fulfillment and mutual respect. Ultimately, it is the responsibility of each individual, their families, and society as a whole to embrace these changes and foster an environment where love, understanding, and happiness thrive in marriages
(The author is a Cluster Resource Coordinator in J&K School Education Department. The views, opinions and conclusions expressed in this article are those of the author and aren’t necessarily in accord with the views of “Kashmir Horizon”.)
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