Good Manners in the Islamic Perspective

“A man with bad manners and a bad moral conduct shall not enter Paradise.” (Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)
Islam is a beautiful religion of universalism, tolerance, peace, and reconciliation. It teaches that life is sacred and that the believer has a duty to uphold truth and justice. Social justice is the core principle of Islam. If this wonderful religion is followed properly then a typical Muslim would only be a great example to follow. Whom Allah chooses to guide, there is nothing and no-one that can mislead him and whom he chooses mislead, there is nothing and no-one that can guide him. I’m talking about manners, adaab, akhlaaq – whatever you want to call it. Just to give you some idea of how seriously Islam takes this issue, let’s look at some sayings of the Prophet (pbuh). The Prophet, in Muwatta Imam Malik said “Verily, I was sent for no other reason, except to perfect the noble traits of character”’ – in other words; one of the Prophet’s goals, in fact, the primary mission was the perfection of how people behave – their manners. An idea of the supreme importance Islam attaches to the cultivation of good manners and noble moral qualities can be obtained from the under-mentioned Traditions of the Prophet (pbuh): “The best of you are those who possess the best manners.” “On the Day of Recompense nearest to me will be one who displays in one’s daily life the best of manners.” “On the Day of Reckoning the most weighty item in the ‘Balance of Deeds’ will be good manners.” Once a Companion asked the Prophet, “What is there that takes a Muslim to Paradise?” The Prophet replied, “Fear of God and good manners.” The Prophet (pbuh), again, is reported to have said, “A Muslim with good manners and good moral disposition gets the same reward as he who fasts (permanently) during the day and spends his nights in prayer.” The last Tradition tells that a believer who possess good manners and carries out scrupulously the moral duties imposed on him by God but does not engage himself much in supererogatory fasts and prayers attains the degree of excellence of the man who stands up in prayer all night and fasts all day long. Furthermore, the connection between Iman and manners is also made clear by the hadith of the Prophet which says that faith consists of seventy branches, the least of which is the removal of a tree branch blocking the road, and in another narration, sixty branches, and Hayaa’ (which is an Arabic term, which is hard to translate and covers manners, modesty, guarding of chastity, etc) is a part of faith. So again, manners and behaviour are linked directly to Iman. Furthermore, there are many other specific areas of manners that the Prophet (pbuh) and the Qur’an went to great extremes to emphasise. In the area of family, the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said: The best of you is the best of you to his family, and I am the best to my family. In the area of neighbours, the Prophet (pbuh) said: The angel Gabriel kept advising me about neighbours until I thought he would make him entitled to some part of the inheritance. In speech, the Prophet (pbuh) said: Nothing is weightier on the scales of the day of judgement than his good behaviour. Allah treats a person who is given to loose and vulgar talk with displeasure. Narrated by Abu Huraira (RA): the Prophet (pbuh) said, “Anybody who believes in Allah and the Last Day should not harm his neighbour, and anybody who believes in Allah and the Last Day should entertain his guest generously and anybody who believes in Allah and the Last Day should talk what is good or keep quiet. (i.e. abstain from all kinds of evil and dirty talk). (Sahih Bukhari)” With regards to backbiting, the Qur’an says:(surah al hujuurat, verse 12) And do not backbite, would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother; you would surely hate it (so you should likewise hate backbiting). With regards to parents, the Qur’an says: say not even a word to them in contempt and don’t repel them (surah al-israa verse 23). In controlling one’s temper, the Prophet (pbuh) says: The strong man is not the good wrestler, but the strong man is he who controls himself when he is angry. With regards to being forgiving and kind, the Prophet (pbuh), said to one of the Sahabah: “You have two qualities which Allah (SWT) likes and loves: one is mildness and the other is toleration”. These are just some of the hadith and ayahs that cover different aspects of manners. While the hadiths are themselves important and the points they make even more so, what I am trying to get to is that these aspects of manners are linked with such high praise, and deviation from these manners is condemned with such denigrating disgust. Furthermore, if you tried to summarise this; tried to extract the essence of all these manners and tried to pull out the one link that connects them all; I personally think that you would find that there is one aspect that they all have in common; and that is considerateness. What does it mean to be considerate? Once again, there are no better words on this matter than the words of the Prophet (SAWS): “None of you will have true faith until he wishes for his Muslim brother what he wishes for himself”. This hadith summarises the whole of the issues that I am trying to make – considerateness; thinking about your Muslim brother and what he is going through, and what impact your actions will have on him. Furthermore, it also, once again, emphasises the link between belief and action – that faith manifests itself in our behaviour to our brothers and sisters in Islam. But what we find in the rest of Islam, as a number of scholars have put it is that Allah has not made anything Haram which benefits us, or allowed anything that hurts us. So while we would have good manners even if we did not know why Allah enjoined them, there are very good reasons for having good manners. So what are the possible reasons? The first reason is that good manners are the best form of Da’wah.
We all know the story of the Jew who was a neighbour of the Prophet (SAWS) who used to dump rubbish on his doorstep. One day, the Prophet found no rubbish. The next day he found no rubbish, so he asked about the Jew, only to find that he was sick. He then visited the sick Jew and tried to make him feel better. As a result, the Jew became Muslim. According to most scholars, one of the reasons that Islam spread in the region of South-East Asia, to places like Indonesia and Malaysia was the fact that Muslim traders appeared to have excellent manners. It is amazing how much one mild-mannered, polite Muslim can do to improve the reputation of Islam among his friends. So I would advise you all to be good, well-behaved, polite Muslims as a form of Da’wah. A second reason, I think, is taking care of the little things, you give people a sense of security, of what in Arabic we call “amanah”. Is this a new idea? No! If you look at the way Islam is structured, you will find that indeed this is a basic principle, that taking care of the “micro” if you like, leads to improvement in the “macro”. In fact, in the Qur’an, Allah (SWT) is discussing what is said and Allah describes saying things without knowledge (in Surah Al-Nur) – you think of it as a light matter, while it is in the sight of allah, extremely serious. Nowhere is this more apparent than in the area of manners. By taking what some people think is a little thing and emphasising it, manners lay the foundation for a civilised society, and create that sense of “amanah”, of security, that make it possible for people to become better Muslims. People will feel more comfortable, they will be less irritable, they will be more relaxed and have more energy to worship, to improve manners. Thirdly, human nature is such that when we do actions, they reinforce our beliefs. When we make Du’a to Allah, is that for Allah’s sake? Allah knows what we want, we don’t need to tell him. But it is the act of asking Allah, it is a symbol of our devotion to Allah and acknowledging that He is the only one who can grant us what we ask for. By making Du’a, we are reinforcing this belief, and this is why the Prophet (pbuh) encouraged it, saying things like “du’a is the brain of worship” and “Allah likes the slave who is constantly making du’a”. So how do we improve our manners? One way to learn how to do something is to pick a master at that particular thing and learn from him. And indeed in Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) we find that excellent example. In the Qur’an we find it says (In suratul Ahzaab, verse 21). Indeed you have in the messenger of Allah an excellent example for anyone who follows him, who has hope and looks to Allah and the Final Day and remembers Allah a lot. And in another verse in Suratul Qalam. And you (i.e., the prophet (pbuh)) are indeed possessed of awesome manners. Whether people speak evil of you, in your presence or behind your back, or they do evil to you in either of those ways, all is known to Allah Almighty. It is not for you to punish. Your best course is not to do evil in your turn, but to do what will best repel the evil. Two evils do not make a good. You do not return good for evil, for there is no equality or comparison between the two. You repel or destroy evil with something which is far better, just as an antidote is better than poison. You foil hatred with love. You repel ignorance with knowledge, folly and wickedness with the friendly message of Revelation. The man who was in bondage of sin, you not only liberate from sin, but make him your greatest friend and helper in the cause of Allah Almighty!. Such is the alchemy of the Word of Allah Almighty!. Your credit for returning evil with good and paying for charity is double. Also if you forgive and return the evil with good, then Allah Almighty will love you and reward you. The Muslim needs to always be polite, humble, patient, loving and well mannered when he/she deals with others, whether they were Muslims or non-Muslims. Allah Almighty certainly doesn’t love those who are offensive and rude to others. According to Noble Verse 23:96 “Repel evil with that which is best.” Ai’sha (RA) when asked about the behaviour of the Prophet (pbuh) said that “His manners were the Qur’an”. So we should study the manners of the Prophet (pbuh) and try our best to imitate them. The final way I think we can improve our manners is by advising each other. In the Holy Qur’an, Allah says, By the age, indeed man is in loss, except for those who Believe, and do good Deeds, and advise each other in the Truth, and advise each other in patience (Suratul Assar). The Prophet (pbuh) said: al-deen an-nasihah. Religion is advising one another. However, two things need to be clarified: a). The advice has to be given in the right way. You don’t give advice in public in front of others; you give it in private – otherwise you embarass the person. It should be given as calmly and delicately as possible. b). The advice must be received correctly. You shouldn’t get angry about this person offering you advice, rather you should be grateful to this person for taking the time to discuss with you something that is not easy for him to discuss; and taking the risk that you might grow angry with him. We have been warned by the Holy Prophet (pbuh) in an equally forceful manner against the curse of bad manners. He has said: “A man with bad manners and a bad moral conduct shall not enter Paradise.” “No sin is more detestable to God than bad manners.” It is reported that “The believers most perfect in faith are those best in character.” (Tirmidhi). Those who spend (in the way of God) in prosperity and in adversity, who repress anger, and who pardon people; verily, God loves the doers of the good deeds.” (Quran 3:133). Morality in Islam addresses every aspect of a Muslim’s life, from greetings to international relations. It is universal in its scope and in its applicability. Morality reigns in selfish desires, vanity and bad habits. We conclude with the words of Holy Prophet, may the mercy and blessings of God be upon him, when he said: “My Sustainer has given me nine commands: to remain conscious of God, whether in private or in public; to speak justly, whether angry or pleased; to show moderation both when poor and when rich, to reunite friendship with those who have broken off with me; to give to him who refuses me; that my silence should be occupied with thought; that my looking should be an admonition; and that I should command what is right.” May Allah (Swt) beautify our manner as He has beautified our appearance and help us all in living our lives according to Islam. (Aameen!)
(The authors write regularly on Islamic issues exclusively for the opinion pages of “Kashmir Horizon”. The views, opinions, facts, assumptions, presumptions and conclusions expressed in this article those of the authors and aren’t necessarily in accord with the views of “Kashmir Horizon”.)
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