People always quote “marriages are settled in heaven but celebrated On earth. ‘and this is true to say because the sacred unit of two unknown souls is written by birth. But the question arises why the parents have to suffer a lot in order to arrange the marriage of their wards.Perticularly in Kashmir to solemnize the marriage of a girl is really trouble making. Other than tourism, 2 handicrafts in Kashmir like Kashmiri Carpet making, Shawl making, Wood Carving, Chain Stitch, Paper Machie etc. and other agricultural activities are the main sources of income to the inhabitants of Jammu and Kashmir.No doubt some people are engaged in govt. service and industrial sector, but the fact is that only a small number of our population earns decently well, because majority of the people belongs to labour class and it becomes really hard for them to provide quality education to their children, have access to good food, proper clothing, medical facilities and a decent house to live in. The lack of these basic needs leads to poor health and other numerous issues and problems. But on the other hand we have seen people spending lakhs of rupees on marriage functions.It has made the Kashmiri Marriages most extravagant marriages. For the cash rich people, it may be easy, but for a middle-class or poor family it is really hard to spend such a huge amount of money on the 3 days of enjoyment during marriage. But owing to societal pressures they end up spending their life time savings and even take loans for the sake of making their wedding look grand. And because of this societal pressures and having a fancy for grand marriage, many of our daughters have turned over age and are still unmarried. Their parents don’t have enough money to make their marriage as their relatives or neighbors had celebrated. Knowing the fact of belonging to a labour class of the society many daughters work in private sector only to earn a handsome amount of money to fulfill the necessities of their marriages. No doubt some of them succeed in this regard , but there are some who fail to full fill their dreams and in the struggle waste a beautiful time of there lives. Dowry is also a terrible phase for a daughters family. I myself remember a barber, who had a grown up daughter. As the barber was not in a position to arrange the dowry items, five times the marriage of his daughter got rejected. Even she was also working hard as a tailor to earn for her marriage. But Woefully! for a poor family it always ends up this way. Ultimately they had to sold out some of their land in order to meet out the expenses of marriage. Unfortunately it’s a sorrow affair of our society that it doesn’t matter how many problems do we have in our family. How much expenses do we have on a sick member. But our marriage should look grand. Now the question is, whether we do it for the sake of our own happiness? Or we are afraid that the society will make us outcasts in case we fail to rise up to the standards that have already been set? “ Sonkakas oos kore khandar .Bade behtreen, dahi kesme asekh sein. peth kuta soen oshas seet duetmut.” Sonkak’s daughter’s marriage was so awe-inspiring, that dozens of dishes were served to the guests, and the bride was sent to the groom’s house with so many jewellery items of gold. 3 “Gulkakas oos na nechves khandar khbr kos shikasladd noshh gayas agade, pond akh te kech taam sone wajee che has seet dechmach ”.
Gulkak’s son married some poor girl, she came to groom’s house with only 1 necklace and few golden rings. These are the words which we often get to hear from our relatives or neighbours. But do these words really have that much of power that they force a person to reach the extent of bankruptcy? And does the opinion of others really matter ? Are we as a society too much into show offs? In Islam, daughters are seen as a blessing, and to be merciful to our daughters is a decree placed upon us by Allah (SWT). The status of daughters in Islam is such that Imaam Al-Hasan said, “A daughter is a great bounty and an honour granted by Allah” but people never want a baby girl to be born in their homes as we see it as a liability that we have to deal with a big financial problem later on for her marriage. Also, even after knowing the fact that wasting of food is a sin in Islam, yet we waste tones of food in these lavish marriages. According to an unofficial report around 3 lakh Kgs of food is used during marriage seasons alone in Kashmir valley daily. Though every well wisher of the society has to play its role.But the civil society, religious leaders, social workers and NGOs can prove torch bearers in this regard. In 2022 a Srinagar based well known NGO “we the helping hands organised a mass marriage ceremony in which 200 couples were tied nuptial knots and all the expenses were borne by the same organisation. All praise goes to Mr Umar Wani the chairman of this NGO who made it possible .Now in order to lay the foundation of a prosperous society we need to make our marriages very simple. Our weddings may seem grand and people might remember it for a few days but there is a life beyond the brief period of the wedding which we often neglect. It won’t be an exaggeration if we say that when the children of newlyweds are about to complete their school life their grandfathers are still being seen paying loans which they have taken for their children’s marriage.
(The author is a student of Journalism .The views, opinions, facts, assumptions, presumptions and conclusions expressed in this article are author’s own and aren’t necessarily in accord with the views of “Kashmir Horizon”.)
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