Headaches have now become a daily routine for me . Amid restlessness I poured from a jug on the side table into a glass I opened my drawer and took out a paracetamol tablet and swallowed it using the glass full of water. Waking up to headaches and paracetamol is now a daily routine and I have no issues about my mental health or otherwise also . After all when actions become usual I don’t think about it. I picked up my phone and I am surprised to see 300 unread messages on WhatsApp. I press the back key and decide to check out what’s new on my Instagram and Twitter. And when I see both full with notifications and messages, I again press the back key as I did with whatSapp. I don’t know but I just got irritated by all these messages and notifications. I keep my phone aside and say to myself “Don’t people have any work to do”, with all the anger and irritation I had in me seeing those heaps of notifications. I have never been so irritated with notifications, it has been the first time ever since I joined social media notifications have come to me . Well , Raqif much has changed since then, I say to myself. I slowly make my fingers move in my hair and while doing so I remember that for about a month I haven’t checked out my social media accounts and that’s why I have so many notifications. Getting to know that it’s my fault, I get some time to gasp and I feel relaxed. But at least I was relaxed. For the whole month I felt tired . Things that rolled out changed me from inside and even when I am physically fit , I feel lazy and sleepy. Well when someone close to your heart breaks it up you are left with nothing and you have no urge to do anything and that “No urge” kills your energy. I have no mood of leaving bed , my headache still continues like anything. I don’t know what to do. “I have Cried a lot before sleeping, this headache is the result”, I ask myself with a smile. I press my eyes to get some relief but it didn’t help. I check the watch to see the time and It shows 10:30 a.m. Why did I wake up so early, I ask myself. I wanted to sit but as I try I couldn’t because of my headache. I lay down again and went back to sleep . My hands start to search for phone as I am almost in sleep. I open my right eyes partially to check the time. It’s 12:00 P.M a good time to wake up. I open my eyes and get out of bed . I give a look around in my room and It’s messy , I didn’t clean it for a month now. I hate the month that passed by. Every single day of it changed me and made me regret. “Well let it be ” I say to myself. What begins has to end and it ended, echoed in my mind and tears start to roll down. I hate it, when my anger turns into tears, I say while gritting my teeth. I have tried to forget, Haider turned out but every time I did it I remember him more. Well he was my best friend, we had been together for a long . I walk up to tissue box and sit on the chair . I take out a tissue to wipe my nose and tears. “I am feeling thirsty” I said while getting up from the chair. I walk up to the side table, lift up the jug and glass , walk again to chair and put the jug and glass on the side table. I fill myself glass with water and start to drink while sitting down. Since Haider turned out to be what I never thought, tears aren’t under my control they come out wherever they want to . They wanted to roll my cheek and they started to roll down even without letting me know. I kept the glass in the hand and let the tears roll down with disturbing their path , soon the tears were on my neck. My phone is overflowing with buzzing of notifications but I am not bothered about them . Let them keep coming, I don’t care anymore because caring has taught me a less and has brought me to this place, where rolling down of tears has become a common thing and headaches with bonus too. I am forzen in the chair , It’s either that I don’t want to move or I am unable to make any move.
The only thing that’s working is brain , that’s constantly trying to make out why did Haider turned out to be my nightmare and my heart that aches badly whenever I think about it. My legs, Hands, arms , eyes and head refuse to move badly as I tried to move them to get my phone as it’s buzzing like a massive waterfall. I let my body win over my will and then my mind echoes “Curse the day we met”. “I curse every single minute of that day and I curse every single second we spend as so called best friends”, I say moving my lips. Moving my lips felt like moving like moving mountains. I take a sip of water and then I suddenly start to cry like babies do . I am getting hiccups. I am confused and worried seeing myself crying the way I never did. I keep the glass down and cry even more badly than before. It took me 10 minutes to get myself normal but I feel my mind relaxed and heart lighter I feel fresh and a bit happy than I was before crying. “It feels like something heavy has been removed from me” I say to myself while lifting tissue box, I took out a tissue, wipe out my face and place the box on the place I picked it up from. I relax my head while being seated in a chair , and started to take deep breaths. I was enjoying it , I feel relaxed after a month. After sometime of relaxing, Haider again hits my mind and I was back to the memories. I gave a hard try to stop myself from not thinking about him but after all Haider was like a Brother to me and he had a special place in my heart it isn’t an easy task forgetting him. “He has given a deep wound on my heart and it will take time to heal ” I say to myself. Or I think it will never heal and I have to live with it a voice from within echoed. I take a deep breath and had all the pain in it. I checked the watch and it’s 1:00 p.m now . I stood up from the chair and I don’t know why I sat on bed and rested my elbows on my legs and my face in my hands and I again take a deep breath and say “Yaar kash ham kabie mila hee na Hota” and tears and roll down and I let them fall.
(The story is just a fictional piece and has no connection with the reality. The Characters are also fictional. Views are author’s own)