Maligning the Institution of Marriage: let’s Focus on Positives

Azra Mufti
I have witnessed some agonizing tales of marriage for the last few days. There is this group on a social media platform with around 30,000 female members. They share their agonies, seek some suggestions and vent out their frustration. It is painful to see women suffering and facing suffocation, torture and deceit. What concerns me is the amount of distrust and fear that has crept in the institution of marriage and maligned its basic essence. It is very painful to live a life of hatred, oblivion, criticism and deceit. Unfortunately this is an ugly reality of the society we live in. Everyday suggestions are seeked by ladies on that platform to make their husbands, relatives and kids happy and still fear is looming large in their lives. My inexperienced eye devours the destiny of these ladies in gulps and leaves me shattered. Who is to be blamed? Who is at fault? The answers to all these questions are confusing at times. This may come as a shock, but happiness is not the only ingredient for successful marriage, respect is. In a marriage, realizing the value of your spouse is pivotal, going into the details of the likes and dislikes of a partner is what helps marriages survive the test of time. We do not get to choose our parents or siblings but spouses we do. While choosing a person, the most important thing that has to be kept in the mind is the compatibility. Marriage is a pious relationship that gives new dimension to our existence. There are some core values that have to be kept in mind while you tie the nuptial knot; the most important thing is always put your partner first, regardless of all the negativities, tiffs, trials and tribulation, your partner should be your go to person, your closest ally and your greatest companion. Barnett R. Brickner has rightly pointed that “success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but being the right mate”.
A dependent relationship is not a healthy one, you can have different tastes, dreams and aspirations and still be a perfect pair, the rule is to respect the space of your partner and support him for the same.
I understand it is difficult to live with a person of mean mentality and mercurial temper, but we are humans, the most civilized race on earth, when we can tame wild animals why not humans? No one is perfect, every person has his share of shortcomings and flaws, but in marriage we agree to disagree and focus on the positives rather than the negatives. Patience and forgiveness is what keeps the spark alive in an otherwise crumbling relationship. Successful marriages are built on the edifice of unending patience and forgiveness not to forget loyalty. One of the most common reasons for divorce apart from infidelity is lack of individual equality. A dependent relationship is not a healthy one, you can have different tastes, dreams and aspirations and still be a perfect pair, the rule is to respect the space of your partner and support him for the same. Instead of blaming, complaining, punishing or nagging your significant other, you should talk, share, discuss and deliberate on the issues that are otherwise sweeped under the carpet and building up the negativity in our lives. You cannot set unrealistic expectations and wait for your partner to fulfill them, this is sheer stupidity, being a prudent woman you should respect his finances and set realistic demands that are easily met by him.
(The author is a freelancer. Views are her own, [email protected])