September 8, 2018

The victim mentality

Being curious and an ardent observer a colloquial exaggeration on intellectual, psychological or social matters is what it takes to draw my attention and an incident in the very recent had channelized my energy to peek within to self discover what my intellect was calling for. It was when I set foot in the premises of the venue where I had to write an exam for a designation. I got an opportunity to hearken many fellow aspirants who were engaged in a colloquy on “something”. My curiosity peaked and I chose to join this group and then that group to nurture my clarity, to my utmost surprise all were flashing their palatable smile and had an appearance of perturbation despite their dedication to qualify the exam. As a matter of common sense I thought everybody would be discussing what they had read and what they already knew but the cards read differently as they weren’t discussions but affirmations. If one affirms the other nods not in a sign of respect but as a matter of collective belief, the affirmation so popular and so agreeable to almost them was “seats are pre allocated as corporate and political lobbying pays advantage to certain privileged”. I chose to contend almost every group but all unanimously castaway my discernment, they envisioned me as cipher who comprehend nothing about the state institutions and system. It was thought-provoking yet life learning and someday or the other we witness this thought pattern but tend to ignore. Have you witnessed such a thought pattern? Or I shall better ask, How many times did we put our irresponsibility on the shoulders of public institutions ? How many times did we affirm we failed because of all reasons except our lack of preparation?

Do you find world going against you to bring you down to your knees because of the situation you are in right now?  Well if its so then unfortunately you have developed a personality trait which psychologists call “victim mentality”  .Victim mentality make you impuissant  and incapable of withstanding your problems . The enthusiasm to fight your derelict fades away with the time , this is because you donot count your inept responsible for your situation but the institutions , people and so on.  Even its effect has taken over your ability to use your freedom to make decisions and now physical as well as social weather influences your decisions making capacity. Its worth noting its difference in our capacity of “freedom to choose” that makes us unique, if we undermine it, we reduce ourselves to the animals. If we subdue our emotions to a value then only we act superior to animals as animals act based on what they feel not what they believe in as value. As a matter of natural tendency we tend to lean to side where we can blame someone or something for our disabilities and our failures as it is very uncomfortable to admit our irresponsibility as it magnifies our derelictions accepting which demands courage and only a value driven person can do so as backed by various Psychological researches.

Our preconceived notions reveal dark side of our failure mentality


Let’s break it further, there are two dimensions to it, one is its cause and the other effect. Law of diminishing returns apply here as what we believe with conviction we make that a reality but our practice denigrates our results, we aim for Everest’d summit, practice for Elbur’s but barely reach ShankarAcharya. This shouldn’t be considered a vague argument as Modern day psychologist adduce when we lose faith we lose courage and perseverance and before realizing we are half-way done, we quit. Its not because we get afraid, but we stop as we fail to master over that fear and success comes when we conquer not what lies before us but what lies within us. Why do we believe what we believe? Education we get, Environment to which we belong and are raised, and our Experiences are prime factors which shape our beliefs and precipitate into who we are as an individual. We create realities out of what we conceive and believe and this brings me to another dimension of “Effect”. The moment we start to believe we are powerless and portray ourselves as victims, we give another person a reason to depreciate our abilities and above that we develop habit of making excuses and procrastination which brings nothing but failures and make our lives a Gehenna. This victim card game prompt no positivity to our results but incline us to decadence. I asked one of my teachers why do we fail? Well !,  “because we doubt ourselves and let others to decide what shall we believe in” is what he replied. Its not about believing in the authenticity of the institutions to which we raise our eyebrows, but before we believe in anything we have to believe in ourselves.

 (The author are young motivational speakers. Their views are personal)


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