Mon. Oct 14th, 2019

Marriages In Kashmir In The Light Of Islam

Narrated by Hazrat Aisha (R.A), Ummul Mu’minin A woman made a sign from behind a curtain to indicate that she had a letter for the Messenger of Allah (SAW). The Prophet (SAW) closed his hand, saying: ‘I do not know this is a man’s or a woman’s hand.’ She said: ‘No, a woman.’ The Prophet (saws) then said: ‘If you were a woman, you would make a difference to your nails (or hands) by applying henna.’ ( Abu dawood ). From the above guidance of our beloved prophet Mohammad (SAW), the applying of henna on hand or feet is permissible only for women. So it is now clear for women to differentiate herself from men. In context of Marriage she definitely deserves to show her beauty in maintaining it properly and in permissible way.
Every women are different in looking, it can be by face, beauty, colour , caste but what makes them similar is on the platform when they get married. In terms of men they can also be observed on marriage day as women have allowed but excluding hinna rituals . As I explained above A women deserve to be beautiful on Marraige day she needed to be dressed good . And must apply henna on her hands and feet. But for men these things are not permissible. Only dresses they wear can prove them beautiful. There are other things than the dresses on this special day for men. But here my focus is! Can we celebrate henna ceremony . I think if it is permissible for women to dress well and keep henna on her hands because in reference of Ahadies women are allowed to keep henna on their hands and feet so we can observe this day only in residence of women.

In Kashmir Mehndi is yet another traditional yet exciting pre wedding ceremony. In our weddings, a lot of emphasis is given on customs and rituals and the same is reflected in the Mehndi ceremony before marriage. Mehendi ceremony has become such an integral part of the wedding ceremony that it cannot be imagined without it. Furthermore, Mehndi is one of the popular events for women and her beauty is incomplete without it. Mehndi ceremony usually takes place just before marriage. According to the ritual, the bride does not step out of the house after this ceremony. Mehndi ceremony is essentially organized by the family of the bride and is usually a private affair which takes place in the presence of friends, relatives and family members. However, the scale of the ceremony depends upon individual choice. Some people celebrate it with great pomp and show but it must be enjoyable with confined manner as permitted.
The Mehendi Ceremony generally takes place the day before the wedding, it is beautiful at evening the family of men side send gifts and Mehdi to a woman for observing mehdi ceremony. The bride and the groom’s family observe this ritual separately at their own residences too but i believe only a girl’s residence must do it only because in Islam henna or Mehdi can only be kept on women not man.
If what you meant is that a man applies henna to his hands , then it is not permissible to do so, neither in marriage nor outside marriage unless for the purpose of treatment. That is because it is a beautification peculiar to women and it is not permissible to imitate women in dress (clothing) and beautification.
It is traditionally a women centric ceremony with the men of the family generally not participating. The outfits preferred for the ceremony are simple, in light colors, nothing too flashy. It is not compulsory for the groom to wear Mehendi, but a little bit is applied on his hands and feet in simple dots or small designs. It is not permissible but in some marriages these things ate found . Women of the house assemble and the Mehndi is either applied by one of the bride’s relative or nowadays by professional Mehendi artists.

Since some recent months I have seen many posts on social media as in decoration. How long it is true I am not sure about it, I saw different photographs that were found on social media with money notes attached with dry fruits presented to guested. I think it isn’t true but concerning it as a biddah is true but if you have the capacity to do such things .You can send gifts personally to your laws not publicially like in serving food.
We have made some unnecessary arrangements in our marraige functions. No matter serving cold drinks is a healthy tradition but I see new innovations every year to these disposals items which are definitely going waste after serving. So it should be in proper consumption. Yes it true there are some special guests in every marriage function. We are profound of copper utensils should be utilised in serving. For middle class families it is become a routine practices to match with upper standard families in celebration of marriages. I believe people should strike balance in everything and we have to see that what is required should be done. If anyone doesn’t have the financial capacity to arrange marriage ceremonies in such a way we can celebrate it simply on dates.
Nikah (Marriage) & Walima (Reception) in Islam
[24:32] Arrange the marriage of the spouseless among you, and the capable from among your bondmen and bondwomen. If they are poor, Allah will enrich them out of his grace. Allah is All-Encompassing, All-Knowing. Islam has not only permitted Nikah but encouraged it and emphasised its importance. Muslim society has been commanded by Allah (SWT) to engage in Nikah and actively support each other in this endeavor. Muslim women have also been discouraged to live a life of celibacy and commanded by Allah (SWT) to choose a suitable spouse. Islam has allowed women to choose it as if there is no compulsion in nikah . Islam has strongly prohibited it both sides. Wives are too essential to everyone as it is the way to live life with. Having children after marriage are too blessings. In fact, Allah (SWT) describes his special blessings to Prophets (AS) having granted them wives and children: [13:38] We have sent messengers before you, and gave them wives and children. It is not for a messenger to bring a verse without the will of Allah. For every age there are some rules prescribed. Our beloved Rasul-ullah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) also commanded Muslims to engage in Nikah as it is best for their character and modesty and helps them with guarding their gaze.
When now we know how important a marriage is in live and how much essence islam gives to it.
But why we delay it so . In Kashmir we have created some importance to useless things . Unless things and until we don’t have good house, job, and other wealthiest needs we believe marriage could not take place . We must take in consideration the marraige of syedana Hazrat fatima and Hazrat ali (R.A).The marriage was simple and examples to us. We should follow every step and we need to give it importance. Adding rituials and more bedah in marrages have made people of kashmir suffer.Look how many aged sisters and brothers are still unmarried because of these additional bedah in marriage.
There is not any kind of problem if you are wealthy. You can announce publicly everyone to attend the invitations on wallimah… But every house has its own story. Some are poor and some rich. Same the marriage should have its own quality. Depending own its own. What is important in marriage that should be fixed?
I believe we can celebrate marriage ceremony as per our competency but there should be balance in some common terms. If I wish to treat my guest with good food and gifts willingly it is not biddah. We should understand the issue of mahar (Dowery) is actually depending on the demand from women. There is biddah if we take it otherwise . Now the dowry here means mahar which a man has to pay anyhow to woman. But we take dowry in other context a girl should gift a man some special thing on marriage. It doesn’t make any sense if it is made compulsory before marriage.
Now if a girl gets house belonging with her to her laws without any condition its than acceptable. I believe every marraige is different on means of wealth family grounds. So Middle class family should do it as per there affords and rich as per there.
We should remind there are some common terms that should be equal. Now the matter is often some marriages doesnt take place. It can be because of poverty. A muslim means to be compassionate, we must understand the needy. Our religion commands us to take care of those who are needs. It’s important if anyone of us has power to arrange nikkah ceremonies of poor which one can do willingly. And we should assemble for such matters.
Choosing a suitable partner:
Although beauty, physical attraction or a feature which is pleasing can be adopted as a means of choosing a partner as subtly hinted in the Qur’aan: [4:3]…marry the women you like… But the ultimate criteria and basis should be the religious inclination and practise of the individual.
Narrated Abu Huraira (RA): The Prophet (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) said, “A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers. [Bukhari] .So how important it is to be religious for women before other things in marriage. Beauty can be described in many senses. I believe if women respect men and satisfyhim in every need this becomes a part of real beauty. Needs can be those which are required for every couple . Demanding anything more than affords can’t be fulfilled in both sides of couple. A healthy marital life coupled with a good relationship make up the prime objects of Nikah. That is only possible when natural inclinations and backgrounds are shared (by both spouses). In the absence of such unity, living together successfully, despite great effort is indeed difficult, as attested to by many marital breakdowns due to non-compatibility.
Certain actions and situations elicit different responses from persons of differing backgrounds and nature. For this reason, the Shari’ah has considered Kafaa’at (suitability and compatibility) between spouses necessary.

Minimum Dowry:
“The least mehr which can be given is Ten dirhams (approximately 31 grams of silver). (Al Hidayaah). Today the mehr value is calculated by using the weight of silver which would equal the amount of dirhams. For example the mehr fatimi is 131.24 tolas. (this weight is constant is will not change). But the value of this amount of Silver is continuously changing according to the stock market. The change takes place every month or so. To be able to work out the approximate value for ten dirhams one can take the weight of the mehr Fatimi (131.25 tolas )and divide it by 400 (because 400 dirhams was the mehr which Hadhrat Fatimah was married with) and then multiply it by ten (to equal the weight of ten dirhams). This will give the value of silver which is equal to ten dirhams.”
Type of Mehr
Dirhams (Silver)
Grams (Silver)
Troy Ounces (Silver)
Minimum10
30.615175
0.9843
Meg’r Fatimi480
1469.64495
47.24928
When Dowry was not stipulated?
“If one did not fix dowry for her or one made a condition that she will not receive any dowry, she will receive what is typically received by similar brides (mahr al-mithl), if after consummation of marriage or death. She will receive a small gift (mut’a) in case of divorce before consummation.” (al-Ikhtiyar li ta’lil al-Mukhtar, 2/126)” . Sayyiduna Anas ibn Malik (RA) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) saw a yellow mark on Abdur Rahman ibn Awf (RA) and said: “What’s this?” He replied: “I have married a woman with the dowry being gold to the weight of a date-stone.” The Messenger of Allah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) said: “May Allah bless you (in your marriage), perform a Walima, even if it is only with a goat.” [Bukhari]. “Walima on the first day is confirmed (haq), and on the second day, it is good (ma’ruf), and on the third day, it is showing off.” [Abi Daud].Who should be invited to Walima? “It is recommended to invite neighbours, relatives and friends.” (5/343). Thus, one should invite family-members, relatives, friends, associates, scholars and pious people and others. It is wrong to invite only rich people or those who are regarded to be from the upper-class.
The Islamic status of accepting , “Sayyiduna Abd Allah ibn Umar (RA) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) said: “If one of you is invited to a wedding banquet (walima), then he must accept the invitation.” [Bukhari]. Sayyiduna Abd Allah ibn Umar (RA) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam): “Accept this (marriage) invitation if you are invited to it.” And Abd Allah ibn Umar used to accept the invitation whether to a wedding banquet or to any other feast, even when he was fasting. [Bukhari]
Due to the above and other narrations, many scholars regard the acceptance of a Walima invitation to be binding, and one will be sinful for refusing it. This indicates that accepting a Walima invitation is Sunna al-Mu’akkada, contrary to meals and invitations on other occasions. Some commentators of al-Hidaya have declared that it is close to being a Wajib.” (Ibn Abidin, Radd al-Muhtar ala al-Durr, 6/349).
In the light of Ibn Abidin’s explanation, it becomes clear that accepting a Walima invitation is Sunna al-Mu’akkada, and one must accept it. Refusing to attend will be offensive if not sinful, provided one does not have an excuse, and also that one was specifically invited to the Walima.”

(The author is contributing exclusively for the edit page of “Kashmir Horizon”. The views are his personal)

 

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