“We have taught our children how to chase success, but somewhere along the way, we forgot to teach them that their worth is not measured by how far they get ahead of others”.
Lone Abrar Nazir
Success has always been admired in society. A good academic record, a prestigious profession, a government job, financial independence and social recognition are often considered milestones of a successful life. There is nothing wrong with aspiring to achieve these things. The problem begins when aspirations gradually turn into expectations, and expectations become obligations that young people feel compelled to fulfill. Today, an increasing number of young people are growing up with the feeling that they must constantly prove themselves. They are expected to perform academically, secure respectable employment, become financially independent and establish themselves within a particular age. Somewhere between fulfilling these expectations and pursuing their own ambitions, many begin to lose sight of what they genuinely want from life. In a society like Kashmir, where educational qualifications and government employment often carry considerable social value, this pressure can become particularly visible.
When Success Becomes A Social Obligation: For many young people, success is no longer simply a personal ambition; it has become a social responsibility. A student completing a professional degree is immediately asked about employment prospects. Someone preparing for competitive examinations is repeatedly questioned about selection. Even after securing a job, the next expectations often concern promotion, financial stability and social status. The difficulty is not that families want their children to succeed. Most parents make enormous sacrifices to provide their children with better educational and professional opportunities. Their hopes are often rooted in genuine concern and affection. However, sometimes these hopes unintentionally become a burden. Young people begin to feel that anything less than exceptional achievement would disappoint their families or diminish their standing in society. The question then arises: are we encouraging our children to build meaningful lives, or merely preparing them to meet society’s definition of success?
The Comparison Trap: One of the most significant contributors to this pressure is our growing culture of comparison. A neighbour’s son secures a government job, a relative’s daughter becomes a doctor, a childhood friend moves abroad, and another acquaintance establishes a successful business. Each achievement becomes another reference point against which someone else’s life is measured. Social media has intensified this tendency. We are constantly exposed to carefully presented versions of other people’s achievements, celebrations, careers and lifestyles. What we rarely see are their uncertainties, failures, financial struggles and personal sacrifices. Consequently, young people sometimes begin comparing their everyday struggles with someone else’s most successful moments. This creates an endless competition in which reaching one milestone does not necessarily bring satisfaction. There is always someone earning more, achieving more or progressing faster. The pursuit of improvement is healthy, but the inability to appreciate one’s own progress can become emotionally exhausting.
The Fear Of Failure: Perhaps the most concerning consequence of excessive expectations is the fear of failure. For many young people, failing an examination, missing a recruitment opportunity or experiencing a professional setback is no longer viewed as an ordinary part of life. It can feel like a personal defeat. Consider the young aspirant who spends years preparing for competitive examinations. The preparation involves financial expenditure, long study hours, family expectations and repeated uncertainty. When the desired result does not arrive, the disappointment may extend beyond the examination itself. There may be questions from relatives, comparisons with successful candidates and the uncomfortable feeling of falling behind one’s peers. In such circumstances, failure is often experienced not merely as the loss of an opportunity but as the fear of losing social acceptance. We must understand that an unsuccessful attempt does not make someone an unsuccessful human being. An examination can assess knowledge and performance within a particular framework, but it cannot measure a person’s complete potential, character or contribution to society.
“Young people should not spend their entire youth trying to prove their worth through conventional achievements alone. While career and financial success matter, true fulfillment requires prioritizing happiness, personal freedom, and meaningful relationships—building a life of self-worth rather than seeking constant external validation.”
The Invisible Cost Of Expectations: The pressure to succeed also has a financial dimension. Families invest their savings in education, professional courses, coaching and accommodation, often hoping that these investments will eventually translate into stable employment. Young people, in turn, may feel an enormous responsibility to justify these sacrifices. This can make career choices particularly difficult. Some may continue preparing for examinations despite losing interest, while others hesitate to explore alternative careers because they fear being judged for choosing a less conventional path. The consequences are not always visible. Constant uncertainty, self-doubt, disturbed sleep and emotional exhaustion can affect a young person’s overall well-being. Ambition should inspire individuals to work towards their goals. It should not make them feel guilty for resting, changing direction or taking longer than others to find their place.
Have We Forgotten The Meaning Of A Meaningful Life? Somewhere along the way, we have narrowed the definition of success. We often celebrate professional titles, salaries, government positions and social recognition, while overlooking qualities such as honesty, kindness, responsibility, creativity and personal fulfillment. A person running a small business with dignity, a teacher shaping young minds, a skilled worker supporting a family, or an individual contributing meaningfully to their community may not always receive the recognition they deserve. Yet, their contributions are equally valuable. Not everyone is meant to follow the same professional path. Not everyone will secure a government job, pursue a prestigious degree or achieve financial success at an early age. Life offers different opportunities, and people progress at different speeds. A society that respects only a narrow definition of achievement risks overlooking the immense potential of individuals whose journeys look different.
What Needs To Change? The solution does not lie in discouraging ambition or lowering expectations. It lies in creating an environment where ambition can exist without constant fear and comparison. Parents should encourage their children without making affection or respect conditional upon academic or professional achievements. Educational institutions should help students develop practical abilities, confidence and critical thinking rather than defining their potential exclusively through examination results. Society must also learn to respect different professions and career choices. A person’s dignity should not depend on their designation, income or employment status. Most importantly, young people themselves must recognise that their journey does not have to resemble someone else’s. Taking a different route, starting again after failure or choosing a less conventional profession does not diminish their worth.
Let Young People Live, Not Merely Compete: A generation should not have to spend its entire youth proving that it deserves respect. Success is important. Education, employment and financial independence matter. But so do happiness, meaningful relationships, personal freedom and peace of mind. Perhaps it is time to reconsider the questions we repeatedly ask our young people. Instead of asking only what they have achieved, we should also ask whether they are happy with the lives they are building, whether they feel supported and whether they have the freedom to pursue their own aspirations. Because the ultimate purpose of life should not be to spend every waking moment proving our success to others. It should be to build a life in which we can recognise our own worth, even when the world is yet to recognise our achievements.
(The author is a freelancer. The views, opinions and conclusions expressed in this article are those of the author and aren’t necessarily in accord with the views of “Kashmir Horizon”)
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