Rabiya Jan
There was a time when parents generally knew where their children were going, who they were meeting and when they would be coming home. Children’s lives were more closely connected to their families and communities, and they did not have the same level of access to information, technology and personal freedom that children have today. Children’s lives have also changed considerably over time. Children now grow up with more choices, more exposure and a stronger desire for independence, privacy and personal space. Giving children some space as they grow is important, but parents also need to know where to draw the line between healthy independence and freedom that may be beyond a child’s age and maturity. This becomes particularly important when young children are allowed to go away from home for two, three or even four days on school trips or outings. Schools generally have systems in place to supervise students and ensure their safety, and teachers take on an important responsibility during such trips. But parents may still reasonably ask: How much can adults realistically know about a child’s behaviour when that child is away from home for several days?
A teacher may be responsible for a group of children, but no teacher can be beside every child all the time. There will be travelling, meals, free time, accommodation and moments when children are simply with their friends. Teachers can supervise, guide and respond when something comes to their notice, but they cannot see every conversation or everything that happens. This is not about blaming schools or teachers. It is simply about understanding the limits of supervision when a large number of children are travelling together. Children can also behave differently when their parents are not around. Being with friends, being away from home and having a greater sense of freedom can sometimes affect the way they behave.
Peer pressure can also play a role. A child who is quiet and responsible at home may act differently when surrounded by friends. This does not make the child bad or dishonest; it simply means that children are still learning how to make choices and deal with the consequences of those choices. That is why parents need to think about their own child before agreeing to such trips. Is the child mature enough to spend several days away from home? Can they handle unfamiliar situations? Do they understand boundaries? Have they shown that they can make sensible decisions when their parents are not around? Age is important, but maturity and past behaviour matter just as much. Independence should come gradually, as a child learns to handle it.
“Parental presence and open communication matter more than strictness. Before granting freedom like school trips, parents must ensure their child is truly ready to handle it responsibly in their absence.”
Parents can also ask a few simple questions before giving permission. Who will accompany the children? Where will they stay? How will the students be supervised? What happens during free time? What arrangements are made at night? And what will happen if there is an emergency? Asking these questions does not mean that parents do not trust the school. It simply means they are taking their responsibility seriously. The point is not to stop children from travelling or experiencing the world. They need that exposure, and school trips can be some of their happiest and most meaningful memories. But parents also need to know their own child and judge whether they are ready to spend several days away from home.
If a child has recently become very secretive, frequently lies about where they have been, or struggles to follow basic boundaries, it is perfectly reasonable for a parent to think twice before giving them that much independence. Parents should also consider how a child’s behaviour may affect the wider group. If a child has been repeatedly struggling with boundaries or making unsafe choices, parents may reasonably consider whether the child is ready for a trip where children will be spending several days together without their parents. This is not about labeling or excluding a child, but about making a thoughtful decision while considering the well-being of the entire group.
At the same time, parenting should not become constant checking and questioning. Children need room to grow, but they also need parents who are present enough to notice when something feels different. Knowing their friends, talking to them about their experiences and keeping communication open can make a much bigger difference than simply imposing rules. Perhaps the real issue is not whether parents should be strict or liberal. It is whether they are present. Trust your child, but stay interested in their life. Give them freedom, but help them understand the responsibility that comes with it. A school can organise a trip and teachers can do their best to supervise, but parents often know their child in ways an institution cannot.So before signing that permission slip for a two-day, three-day or four-day trip, parents should ask themselves one honest question: “Is my child ready to handle this freedom when I am not there?” Giving children wings is important, but knowing when and how to let them fly is also a part of parenting.
(The author is an Advocate. The views, opinions and conclusions expressed in this article are those of the authors and aren’t necessarily in accord with the views of “Kashmir Horizon”)
[email protected]
