Marriage in Kashmir has slowly transformed from a sacred bond into a harsh social test that many families fail not because of character, faith, or values, but because of money. Nikah in Islam was designed to be easy, dignified, and protective. It was meant to safeguard morality, emotional stability, and social balance. In present Kashmiri society, marriage has become a display of wealth, a competition of status, and a source of deep injustice. This change has not happened overnight. It has grown quietly through customs, expectations, and fear of public judgment. The greatest victims of these traditions are poor girls. Many of them lose their youth, dignity, and future without committing any mistake of their own. One of the most destructive traditions is the pressure to organize expensive weddings. Society has created an unwritten rule that a marriage must look grand. Wedding halls, heavy catering, designer clothes, decoration themes, lighting, photography teams, and long guest lists are treated as compulsory. A simple nikah is viewed as shameful. Parents are judged if they do not spend lavishly. Relatives criticize. Neighbors gossip. Poor families feel cornered. They start believing that without money, their daughter does not deserve marriage. Many fathers spend their entire savings. Many sell land. Many mortgage gold. Some take loans with interest. All this happens for a single day. The celebration ends. The debt remains. For poor families, this debt lasts for years and sometimes for life.
Dowry is another brutal tradition that continues despite clear religious rejection. In theory, people deny supporting dowry. In practice, it controls marriage decisions. Furniture, electronics, cash, gold, and even vehicles are expected. Sometimes demands are direct. Often they are disguised as suggestions or traditions. A girl’s worth is silently measured by what she brings with her. Poor parents live in constant fear of these expectations. If they fail to meet them, proposals are withdrawn. Promising matches disappear without explanation. Girls who are educated, well mannered, and morally strong are rejected only because their parents are poor. This single practice has destroyed the futures of countless girls in Kashmir. Because of these financial pressures, marriage gets delayed. Parents spend years saving money. They wait to collect enough to meet social standards. During this waiting period, girls grow older. Society that created the burden then turns cruel. People begin to comment on age. Questions are raised. Rumors spread. The girl becomes a topic of discussion. Her confidence slowly breaks. Parents feel guilt and shame. Many poor girls spend their most important years waiting, hoping, and praying. Some never get married at all. Their lives are not delayed by destiny. They are delayed by man made traditions.
There are thousands of such girls across Kashmir. Their stories are rarely told. They wake up each day carrying silent disappointment. They watch younger girls get married simply because their parents had money. They attend weddings with forced smiles. They return home to unanswered questions. Society never counts them. No official data records their pain. Yet their existence exposes the moral collapse of marriage customs. Poverty should never be a reason for lifelong loneliness, but in Kashmir it often is. Pre marriage functions have further deepened the crisis. Engagement ceremonies, exchange of gifts, mehndi functions, multiple dinners, and repeated gatherings are now treated as normal. Each function means more expenses. New clothes. New food arrangements. New expectations. Poor families struggle to keep up. Refusal is not accepted easily. Simplicity is mocked. Families are labeled backward. Many parents fall into debt before nikah even takes place. Marriage becomes a financial marathon that only the wealthy can survive comfortably. The emotional damage caused by these traditions is severe. Poor girls often develop a sense of worthlessness. Repeated rejection affects mental health. Anxiety and depression are common but rarely discussed.
“The current obsession with expensive wedding traditions in Kashmir has distorted the sanctity of marriage into a source of financial ruin and social suffering. By prioritizing wealth over character, society has created a cycle of debt and delayed marriages that disproportionately harms the poor. Returning to a culture of respect, simplicity, and moral courage is necessary to restore justice and protect the dignity of families and their daughters.”
Girls start seeing themselves as burdens on their parents. They avoid social gatherings. They withdraw from normal life. Parents also suffer. Fathers feel helpless. Mothers carry silent grief. This emotional pain spreads inside homes. Marriage, which was meant to bring happiness, ends up creating long term psychological wounds. The injustice does not end after marriage. Many poor girls face humiliation in their marital homes. Their dowry is compared with others. Their background is discussed openly or indirectly. Some are reminded that their parents gave less. This creates insecurity and fear. In some cases, it leads to emotional abuse. In extreme situations, marriages break down. When separation or divorce happens, society blames the woman. The traditions that caused the damage escape scrutiny. A divorced poor woman faces double punishment. First for being poor. Second for being separated. These customs also encourage wrong priorities. Families focus more on money than on character. Wealth becomes more important than values. A rich family with poor morals is preferred over a poor family with strong ethics. Compatibility, responsibility, and emotional maturity are ignored. This leads to unstable marriages. Conflicts rise. Separation cases increase. When marriage begins as a financial contract, it struggles to survive emotional realities. Another hidden effect is the normalization of injustice. People accept these traditions as unavoidable. They say everyone does it. They say society demands it. This acceptance keeps the cycle alive. Those who suffer today become enforcers tomorrow. Parents who struggled to marry off their daughters sometimes impose the same expectations on others. This repetition strengthens cruelty and weakens conscience. Religious teachings are clear and simple. Nikah should be easy. The best marriage is the one with least expense.
Dowry has no place in Islam. Walima should be modest. Yet practice moves in the opposite direction. Sermons are heard. Advice is shared. Behavior remains unchanged. Real reform does not start on the stage. It starts inside homes. It starts when a family chooses dignity over display. It starts when a man refuses dowry without conditions. It starts when parents proudly conduct a simple nikah. Kashmir once had a culture of simple marriages. These harmful practices are not ancient traditions. They are recent distortions shaped by competition, insecurity, and social comparison. Social media has worsened the problem. Weddings are now content for public approval. Families fear judgment more than debt. This mindset has turned marriage into a performance rather than a partnership. The cost of continuing these traditions is enormous. More poor girls will lose their youth waiting. More families will sink into debt. More marriages will begin with stress instead of stability. More emotional trauma will pass silently from one generation to another. This is not a women’s issue alone. It is a social failure. It is a moral failure. Change is possible and necessary. Simple nikah ceremonies reduce financial pressure. Small walimas restore meaning. Open rejection of dowry protects dignity. Valuing character over wealth creates stronger marriages. When a poor girl gets married with respect and simplicity, society takes a step toward justice. When parents refuse to compete, they protect not only their daughter but also their conscience. The real question is not whether these traditions are harmful. The damage is already visible in delayed marriages, broken homes, debt ridden families, and forgotten girls. The real question is whether society has the courage to stop. Every poor girl waiting in silence is evidence that something is deeply wrong. Nikah was meant to bring peace, protection, and mercy. In Kashmir today, these traditions have turned it into a source of fear, delay, and lifelong pain.
(The author a teacher by profession is a freelancer. The views, opinions and conclusions expressed in this article are those of the author and aren’t necessarily in accord with the views of “Kashmir Horizon”)
