When a child is born, parents see them as a blessing. They shower their child with love and care and from the very beginning, they start weaving dreams for their future. Every parent wants to see their child grow up, study well and achieve a respected position in society. For this dream, they sacrifice their comfort, dedicate their energy and work tirelessly. But in this process, many parents often forget to ask one important question: What does my child really want? Instead of discovering their children’s natural abilities and interests, parents sometimes begin to compare them with others. The common thought becomes: “If someone else’s child can achieve this, why can’t mine?” But this comparison hits children the hardest. It makes them feel small, unwanted and incapable. With every comparison, they start losing faith in themselves. What parents do not realize is that instead of constant criticism, even a single word of encouragement can change everything. A little praise, a gentle push and patient teaching can help a child believe in themselves: “Yes, I have the ability to achieve something too.”
Another mistake parents often make is treating their children as carriers of their own unfulfilled dreams. They think, “I could not achieve this, but my son or daughter will do it for me.” What they often forget is that their child may not have the same interests, abilities, or passion. Of course, every child must study and work hard, but within that, parents should guide them towards the field that matches their strengths and passion. Placing completely different dreams onto children may unknowingly feel like a burden for them. Parents must understand that their children are not born to complete their unfinished stories; they are born to write their own. And yet, when exam results come, marks often become the only measure of a child’s worth. Some parents even say: “If your marks are low, what is the point of studying? Why should we waste money on you? Better stop studying altogether.” Words like these can sometimes hurt a child even more than failure itself. Instead of motivating, they may unintentionally crush the child’s confidence and push them further into hopelessness.
At the same time, while awareness about mental health is slowly increasing, many parents still fail to recognize the warning signs in their own children. If a child seems sad, withdrawn, or keeps crying, parents often dismiss it as “drama” or assume, “He just doesn’t want to study or go to school.” Most of the time, parents do this unknowingly, thinking their child is simply avoiding responsibilities, but in reality it may be a deeper struggle. What they do not realize is that the child might actually be experiencing depression or stress. Ignoring these signs can be just as harmful as academic failure, leaving the child emotionally vulnerable and increasingly isolated.
“Parents have a profound impact on their children’s well-being and life outcomes. The unconditional love, empathy, and support from parents are essential to a child’s mental health and ability to cope with life’s challenges. There are two contrasting two parenting styles: one that is controlling and demanding, leading to potentially tragic outcomes for children, and another that is supportive and loving, which prevents children from feeling helpless. The academic results and grades are temporary and insignificant when compared to the value of a child’s life, urging parents to prioritize their child’s emotional health over academic performance.”
When children fail to meet unrealistic expectations, these pressures combine with unacknowledged emotional stress, making them feel as if they have let everyone down. A thought slowly grows in their mind: “I am a failure. I can’t do anything right.” This silent pain slowly begins to affect them from within and in some cases, pushes them towards tragic decisions like ending their own lives, something their parents never even imagined. The situation becomes worse when children are not given the basic freedom to enjoy the small joys of life. Childhood is meant for play, laughter and curiosity, yet many are forced into strict routines. Even at the age of eight, some children are told to study before bedtime, wake up early to revise and sacrifice their playtime. During festivals, when a child longs to enjoy the day, he may say, “Papa, I am bored, please come home early and take us out.” But instead of being comforted, he is told, “Keep studying until I return. Do not waste time.” On a day meant for joy and celebration, the child wonders sadly, “Why am I being made to study instead of celebrating?” What parents forget is that children are not little adults. They need time to breathe, space to explore and freedom to enjoy their childhood.
This constant denial of freedom builds invisible walls around them. When children are trapped like this, without play, without encouragement and without appreciation, their minds begin to break down. Slowly, they lose confidence, feel unloved and start believing that life is nothing more than pressure and disappointment. This is one of the reasons why the rate of student suicides is rising every year. After board exams, whether Class 10, Class 12, or competitive exams like NEET, we hear heartbreaking stories of young lives cut short. Society may shrug and say, “It was their choice,” but the truth is harsher: without realizing, parents too may sometimes add to this environment of pressure. Later, this often becomes a source of lifelong regret.
It is high time for parents to realize that children are not extensions of their unfulfilled dreams. Every child has a unique talent, learning pace and potential. Parents must encourage their children, celebrate small achievements and most importantly, respect their choices. They should always try to teach them gently, with love and patience and guide them step by step instead of pushing or forcing. This way, children gain confidence, trust themselves and develop the courage to face challenges. In the end, parents are equally responsible for the outcome of their children’s lives. If they continue to impose their will, compare constantly and deny freedom, then the results can be tragic. But if they choose to support unconditionally, listen with empathy and love without conditions, no child will ever feel so helpless as to take such an irreversible step. No grade, no exam and no result is greater than life itself. A result is just one chapter. It should never become the end of the story.
(The author is a research scholar at the University of Kashmir, Hazratbal, Srinagar. The views, opinions and conclusions expressed in this article are those of the author and aren’t necessarily in accord with the views of “Kashmir Horizon”)
