Delayed Marriages: A growing concern

Over the past few decades, the age of marriage has been rising in almost every region of the world for both women and men. In many countries of the world we are approaching the point where more than half of marriages will occur after age 30. In social science circles, this pattern of delaying marriage is typically viewed as progress and talked about positively. However, it is resulting in some troubling trends in coupling patterns and family stability. Marriage is not just a legal bond between man and woman; it is social sanction that allows two opposite genders to live together. It acts as a bridge which connects two souls and generates the feeling of oneness. It lays down the foundation of the family and thus maintains the structure of society. The rituals and practices related to marriage are not the same everywhere. They vary from culture to culture but some essential and fundamental principles are mandatory in every society to make marriage functional and socially accepted. Among these pivotal principles, a suitable age is important. It is interesting to note the drastic change over the years in the matter of this suitable age. It was premature in the past and is too late in the present. The decision of marriage is personal to everyone, but in our society, after an age, the pressure of marriage starts increasing- relatives, friends or even the people of the family themselves start pressurizing the marriage. Taking full time for marriage is the right thing but delaying too much has its disadvantages. Due to delayed marriage, responsibilities and priorities start changing and the couple does not understand each other. As a result, they keep quarreling with each other. Apart from this, with increasing age, the ego level also increases, due to which there is a possibility of fighting, because neither of them is ready to bow down. On getting older, most women do not feel like physical intimacy and they start becoming indifferent. Due to this, the quarrel between husband and wife also increases. With ageing, testosterone starts decreasing in men and their interest in intimacy also ends. Fertility starts decreasing in women around the age of 30. After the age of 35, it starts decreasing more rapidly. As a woman gets older, her chances of getting pregnant decrease and the chances of getting infertility increase. In today’s run-of-the-mill life, people give priority to career over their relationships, whether it is a boy or a girl. Because of this, they are not able to get married at the right age. Despite doing late marriage, they give importance to career more than relationship, due to which estrangement starts in the relationship. Jammu and Kashmir records the lowest percentage of the married population in India compared to other parts of the country having less than 50% of married people. Kashmir is badly affected by modernity, materialism, and cultural diffusion, which directly or indirectly affect the age of marriage. The average marrying age has increased from 25 to 34 for men and from 23 to 30 for women. There are innumerable causes for this increase in the age of marriage in recent years.
1. The first and foremost cause is the securing of a good job and higher status in society. For this both males and females but especially males spend many years of their life in completing higher education, after which they spend a few years in employment.
2. The dowry system is another major cause of late marriages in Kashmir. It is believed that there are about 40,000 girls who have attained or even passed marriageable age but whose parents are too poor to pay dowry. Even the educated persons demand dowry.
3. Other customs like wazwans, jewellery, copperware and other gifts exchanged during marriage also take a heavy toll on both families. These rituals and customs not only ruin poor people but also saddle the middle-class with a heavy burden.
According to Islam: “Islam’s emphasis on the Nikaah is so astounding that even technology cannot comprehend and comprehend such rationality. Late marriage is forbidden in Islam, and this sacred union is most likely to take place when a person enters puberty.”
(The author is a Teacher at Govt. Higher Secondary School Damhall Anantnag. Views are his own)
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