January 6, 2021

The Pain Without Painkillers

In life, at some point of time a man encounters such a situation where his mind gets occupied with someone else’s problem other than of his own. Well I think using word “Occupied” doesn’t fit it properly because you love that person to the level that his problem becomes ultimately yours. You forget about your problems and you get involved with his problems to ultimately find some way out. Well sometimes you forget your own self and just go round and round someone else. His body pain becomes yours, his hungry stomach becomes your and when he bits something it gradually fills up yours, by just looking at him eating gives you a sense that you have eaten and surprisingly you feel satisfied out of nowhere and that satisfaction is something that you never have got and all the above his smile just glitters your heart it’s all because the person becomes you and you forget yourself. Oh wait I forgot to mention something, Pain and problems. When his good things have impact on you how would his problems and especially pain affect you? It just will go directly to your heart. What will it do there? It will make your heart ache as never before. How can someone become so special to someone? This is the question, I have no answer of and I am struggling to find out the answer. This person’s cries kill you and then person explaining his problems while sobing buries you. What if I tell you this person’s pain has no pain killer and problems no solutions? I think, It must have hurt you if you ever have seen your loved one in  such a situation where pain is such a sort of pain which can’t be done away come what may and his problems are there to be ,must be they might increase God forbid. Well anything can happen. The destiny that has got person this sort of pain and problems that has no way out the same destiny can do anything. Now if you are reading what I have written at middle of night you must be asking yourself a question that is this person a disbeliever or you might have put me under the category of an Atheist. Well believe me while the pain and problems were their way towards the person, I left no stone unturned to make him believe that Allah is the most merciful ask him he will give , he will do whatever you ask for and he will not put you to this pain and problem. But when they finally came and gave a jolt what were we supposed to tell the person? It happens, things are going to be better or don’t worry such things happen? But no we were not supposed to tell him these things. Because for the person the pain and problems came once and now they are there to stay. With the person, follow the person and sometimes make person cry. And that crying kills me. Every time the person cries it leaves a deep wound in my heart. Because I love this person. This person is not being known to you but this person is really important to me. I hope I could tear up my chest put out my heart and show it to you, so that you can actually know what the crying and sobing does to me. I find myself at a place where I can’t do anything. As I already mention this person’s pain and problems came once and will stay with this person. The irony is that even if we try our best to make him forget about his pain and problems the day today activities do the needful to make person remind that you are in pain and you have problems.
From waking up to sleeping all the person does makes this person of his pain and problems. Well where this pain and problems came from. I am sure if you read it till here you must be wondering what made this person write for the person whose pain and problems have jolted him this much. Well let me mention the time I am writing all this 4:30 am in the morning. I tried to sleep but yesterday person at the same time called me said “Raqif I am not feeling well. Why I asked. I am missing some one. Person replied to my why. As I asked who’s the person, the person on call bursted out crying and named the person whose loosing made him call at 4:30 am. So unusual timing?  Isn’t it? Yes it’s but when in life something happens unusual every unusual seems usual. But as I already mentioned the person importance in my life. Person’s phone calls at any point of time are acceptable to me. While the person was call, I placed my phone on pillow make sure that he doesn’t hear that sigh of pain I gave out. I didn’t want to become reason to add to his as I am unfortunately to get person some relief. Well how am I supposed to do that? Person lost an important part in life and we can’t bring him back because that lost person is in grave while for three continues days we went to the grave to offer Fatah, we including the person who I am talking about aren’t still able to accept that lost person is in grave. Keep us aside. The people who are talking about lost someone who was more important to him than this person is to me. Now you must have got what has got him this constant pain and problems. It has all come from losing someone who’s in grave. Yes. In grave. The place where no one comes back. The End of a human being is grave. No way out. While I am writing this I want to smash my phone with a wall to get some relief. Coming back to the conversation we had last night. The person was crying and while as person to accept the reality I got back “I can’t ” And that was the time I wanted to bang my head with a wall. Or what more thoughts could have struck to my mind. Imagine yourself in my boots. A person who you love calls you cries and explains you pain and problems the person is going through and you have no way to help. I just couldn’t think of anything other than banging sometimes or my own head to get out of that pain you get after seeing the person you cry and sob at the middle of night. Well none on the earth has a way out. You all keep praying that I get enough courage to handle the person and in turn person accepts reality and becomes strong. I hope none loose people who are important to them. I have got to know what it does. Take care of your loved ones and yes please tell them you love them. Everyone has to go but you shouldn’t regret no being showing the amount of love you had for that person.
(The author is a freelancer. Views are exclusively his own) [email protected]

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