In many societies, particularly, in Kashmir the social institution of caste plays a significant role in shaping individual’s lives, including their personal relationships. One area where caste influences is in the realm of marriage, with caste-based expectations often dictating whom one can marry. Traditionally, arranged marriages were the norms, where families played a significant role in selecting spouses based on caste, and other familial considerations. However, in recent years, the rise of love marriages based on the individual’s personal choice rather than familial arrangements has become more prevalent, challenging the rigid social structures of caste. In caste-conscious communities, love marriages present a significant social tension. In Kashmir, the issue of personal choice in marriage, especially for women, is often fraught with cultural and familial pressures, primarily due to deeply ingrained patriarchal norms and the influence of traditional practices, including caste, family honor etc. The concept of a woman’s autonomy in choosing a marriage partner is still, in many cases, not readily accepted, particularly when it contradicts the expectations of her caste. In a conservative society like Kashmir, the social fabric is tightly knit, and family reputation is considered of utmost importance. Marriages are often viewed not just as a union between two individuals, but as an alliance between families. Thus, the family’s role in arranging a marriage is central and a girl’s personal choice can be seen as a challenge to established social order. If a girl expresses a desire to marry someone on her own choice outside her prescribed caste her family doesn’t approve of, she might face intense pressure, threaten, beaten until she will conform to traditional expectations. The reasons for this lack of acceptance of a girl’s personal choice in marriage are multifaceted like patriarchal norms, caste, honor and family reputation; conservative societal expectations, risk of social backlash for a woman in Kashmir, defying traditional norms regarding marriage can lead to severe consequences, including familial rejection, social isolation, and sometimes even violence. This fear often forces young women to comply with the wishes of their families, even when it goes against their own desires. However, it’s also important to acknowledge that these dynamics are gradually changing. Education and exposure to globalized ideas about personal freedom and gender equality are slowly influencing attitudes toward marriage in Kashmir, especially among the younger generation. While traditional norms still hold sway, more women are beginning to assert their rights and seek partners of their choice, even if this comes with challenges. A girl’s personal choice for marriage in Kashmir is still often met with resistance, particularly when it involves factors like caste. The struggle for autonomy in marriage is emblematic of larger issues of gender equality, individual rights and the negotiation of tradition versus modernity within deeply conservative societies. Being a student of sociology I have interacted with many caste-conscious women and men in Kashmir, where I found that caste remains a significant social force, often influencing personal and familial decisions, including love marriage.
“In Kashmir, caste-based considerations in marriage are closely tied to social prestige, familial honor, and religious affiliations, making love marriages a challenge, especially when they cross caste boundaries. Despite this, increasing exposure to progressive ideas and broader social changes are gradually breaking down some of these barriers. Love marriages, though not without their challenges, are seen as symbols of individual autonomy and changing social norms, and their acceptance is growing, albeit slowly. Ultimately, while caste remains a powerful social force in Kashmir, the rise of love marriages reflects broader shifts towards greater individual freedom, personal choice, and an evolving understanding of relationships, even though it is still a subject of tension and debate in many families and communities.”
Caste still plays a crucial role in determining social interactions, relationships and marriage choices. A marriage outside one’s caste can bring dishonour to the family and may lead to social ostracization. In Kashmir, many castes still hold traditional views that marriage should ideally happen within one’s caste to preserve social order and family reputation. On the other hand, the younger generation is beginning to challenge these age-old caste-based restrictions with the influence of education, social media and increasing exposure to broader cultural ideas, attitudes toward caste distinctions in marriage are slowly shifting. They are more willing to marry for love, regardless of caste although, these cases are still relatively rare but staunch or stereotypes caste communities hold these superstitious belief and rigid traditional norms which was prevalent in the ancient era (particularly in Hindu society) due to lack of Islamic knowledge, illiteracy and rigid traditional custom. I sometimes wonder about our language, religion, culture etc, and think how sick our society is. Though, many believe that there is no caste system in Kashmir, the reality is that caste is a working institution affecting many aspects of life in Kashmir. Islam has never differentiated people on the basis of caste system; humans are only differentiated before Allah on the basis of deeds. While interacting with many caste-conscious communities I found that lot of suppression and oppression is faced by women, casteism is limited to marriage only, women sacrifice their lives. If the girl will express her choice in front of parents, she is threatened, beaten, forced to marry on parent’s choice, restriction imposed on her freedom and liberty, parents don’t see compatibility, leave her in isolation, until she will confirm to traditions expectation, but love marriage outside caste does not permit. I’m shocked to hear that in this modern civilized society where we always talked about women empowerment, equality, modernization etc, in many universities, educational institution and other global platforms then what is going on at the grassroots level. I sometimes ashamed to be part of this sick society, how these people show dehumanization, towards their women. And if we are talking about caste in Kashmir, how can we forget the beloved mullaha (Thekedar or Manager of religion) brainwashed people manipulating religion that common people always sent the best of their food /dishes to mullauh’s house. They actually thought that doing all this in the service was a service to Islam. Common people always invite these mullahs to eat whether it’s happy or sad occasion. They bloody eat all the time but when it comes to the choice or love marriage, they become superior and rest of the castes become untouchables. Here I remember the words of Ambedkar he said that Brahmins can never produce a Voltaire, I want to add that neither can mullahs. It has been observed that the notion of love marriage among caste-conscious communities is extremely unchangeable an individual can only go for the love marriage through court. Caste and love marriages in Kashmir present a complex intersection of tradition, cultural norms, and evolving social dynamics. Traditionally, caste has played a significant role in shaping marital choices, often dictating the social fabric and family alliances. However, with modern influences and changing attitudes, love marriages are slowly gaining acceptance, particularly among the younger generation, though they still face resistance due to conservative views and familial expectations. In Kashmir, caste-based considerations in marriage are closely tied to social prestige, familial honor, and religious affiliations, making love marriages a challenge, especially when they cross caste boundaries. Despite this, increasing exposure to progressive ideas and broader social changes are gradually breaking down some of these barriers. Love marriages, though not without their challenges, are seen as symbols of individual autonomy and changing social norms, and their acceptance is growing, albeit slowly. Ultimately, while caste remains a powerful social force in Kashmir, the rise of love marriages reflects broader shifts towards greater individual freedom, personal choice, and an evolving understanding of relationships, even though it is still a subject of tension and debate in many families and communities.
(The author is a freelancer. The views, opinions and conclusions expressed in this article are those of the author and aren’t necessarily in accord with the views of “Kashmir Horizon”)
Dr. Mohamad Anzar War
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