Children are wonderful and priceless gifts and blessings and their better upbringing is the moral duty of parents. Parenting does not begin after the birth of a child but it begins at the time of pregnancy when the development of child takes place . Nowadays, we have created such societies where parents ignore the responsibility of parenting. As we ignore the proper parenting, nature enforces the law of action and reaction and accordingly we are ignored on attaining old age and are put in old age homes. We have recently seen the story of an eighty year old man who instead of having eight children became homeless and was surviving in an Old Age Home. When children are ignored they become estranged from parents resulting in weak and broken child-parent relationships which in turn cause children to get attached to peers. All religions especially Islam emphasizes the obligations of parents for proper upbringing to their children. All Muslims stand accountable to almighty Allah as well as to society for upbringing and training of their children. Parents are the first educators and teachers of their children. Since the family is the earliest school of the child, the child learns moral, ideological, religious ,personality and other tendencies and attitudes from his/her parents. Prophet Muhammad(SAW) said, “The best penny a man spends is that on his children, on his camel for the sake of Allah, and on his friends for the sake of Allah”. Even in cases of divorce, the responsibility of food, clothing, schooling, and health expenses lie on the shoulders of parents. Parents are entrusted the responsibility of maintenance of their children. From time to time, Judiciary has passed judgements asking parents to take responsibility of maintenance of their children even after having divorced their wives. Almost all the living creatures exhibit some kind of parental care. Parental care in some organisms is most advanced. The way Parental care is exhibited in Amphibians make us puzzled and compel us to take care of children even from embryonic stages of development. Parental care is any behaviour that contributes to offspring survival, such as building a nest, provisioning offspring with food, or defending offspring from predators. Humans being most advanced animals need to maintain highest degree of parental care but last few decades have witnessed least parental care. This lack of parental care has put negative consequences and increasing incidences of social crimes. Drug Addiction is one such consequence of lack of parental care. Parents do not give their time to children due to their engagement in other useless activities especially on social media. There are a number of instances where parents have played an extraordinary responsibility in upbringing their children. One such extraordinary parental care has shown by the mother of Sheikh Abdul Qadir Jeelani (RA). The mother of Shaikh Abdul Qadir Jeelani(RA) used to give moral education to her son and told him not to tell a lie and always speak truth . Once, when he was on the way to “Baghdad” with other merchants (Qafila), a group of thieves attacked the convoy and took all of their precious belongings, one of the thieves came to him (Sheikh Abdul-Qadir Jeelani) and asked him if he had anything including money in his luggage. Sheikh Abdul Qadir Jeelani (RA) replied that he has forty dinars of money. The thief searched all of his luggage but could not find money and took him to the sardar (master) and told him that this boy claims to have forty dinars, but after searching his belongings I could not find the dinars. The sardar (master) then asked him where are forty dinars? The boy replied the Sardar that the dinars were sewn by my mother into my shalwar. Finally money was found sewn in the clothes. The Sardar asked him why didn’t you tell a lie to save your money? Sheikh Abdul-Qadir Jeelani replied that before I started my journey, my mother advised me to tell the truth even if someone tries to kill me. After listening to this the sardar began to cry, as this little boy had so much fear of Allah that he did not lie in such a situation. He felt guilt for all his wrongdoings and felt the fear of Allah so the sardar then gave back all of the looted things to their owners.
Another exemplary example of parental care was shown by the mother of Allama Iqbal (RA) in milking Iqbal (RA). Allama Iqbal’s father was associated with a profession that was linked to interest. And Allama Iqbal’s mother was against the concept of intrest and hence did not like that job at all. So when Allama Iqbal was born, Allama Iqbal’s mother did not breastfed her son. She sold her ornaments and bought a goat and nourished Allama Iqbal with the milk of that goat .
History also presents an outstanding example of parental care by the mother of Imami Shafi (RA). The mother of Imaami shafi wanted his child to spend life among the ulemas of Makkah and to get benefitted from their knowledge and wisdom. Acting upon that she took hard efforts and made all arrangements to sent her son to Makah. The mother of Imaami Bukhari (RA) has also made an outstanding contribution in upbringing her son and in praying for regaining her son’s eye sight. When Imam Bukhari was 3 years old, he lost his eyesight. His mother started praying tahajjud salah until Allah restores her son’s eyesight back. She prayed tahajjud every night until one night in a dream she saw Ibrahim (as) give her the good news that Imam Bukhari’s eyesight had been restored. In the early morning she ran to see his son and found his eye sight had regained. This presents an extremely care and affection made by a mother in her child’s life.
One of the most astonishing, outstanding and exemplary care by a mother towards her son is evident from the story of a couple namely Farooq and Saliyah. This married young righteous couple had been married for three months when the call for Jihad was made.Once the call for Jihad was made, Farooq being pious person decided to go for Jihad but Before he left, Farooq left Saliyah with 3000 Dirhams and Said to her make do with this amount for 3 months and he would be back before she would need any more. Besides 3000 Dirhams, he also left a chest containing 30000 dinars ( 2 million pounds or 15 crore rupees) and asked her not to touch the money until he returned. Three months went by but Farooq didn’t return and after nine Saliya gave birth to Shaikh Abdul Rahman. She always used to ask the Muslims returning from battlefields about her husband but nobody was able to give her a positive reply. The amount of 3000 Dirhams which handed over by Farooq to his wife got exhausted and the wife didn’t touch the trusted money. She waited until she heard about some Mujahedeen coming from battlefields. So she went to them and one of them told her that he saw her husband dying in one of the battles. Saliha went back to her home and decided to spent the entrusted money in teaching her son the Islamic Knowledge. At night, after 30 years, a group of Mujahedeen were sleeping after victory. While everyone was sleeping, Farooq being old man now was worried about her wife. He decided to go back to Madinah to see his wife. Finally after hard journey he reached Madinah and went to the Masjid Nabi (Saw) and offered two Rakhs of Salah and waited for Asr Salah. After Salah he saw thousands of people making circles and all surrounding a great Scholar. But Farooq could not recognize this great scholar. After the lecture was over he enquired about this scholar and he was told that the great Scholar was Abdul Rahman. After Salah, he rushed to his home and saw another man going inside his home. He tried to prevent the man from entering his home and this resulted in gathering of people there. A lady came out and shouted this is my husband. Finally he asked his wife about the 30000 chest of money. She told that I spent it on bringing your child and making him a great Scholar.
“Right to a Safe Environment emphasizes the need for a clean, safe, and sustainable environment, ensuring that children inherit a planet that is conducive to their well-being. Parents should shoulder a number of responsibilities of children like protection, education, health care, providing peaceful environment, guaranteeing their rights etc. to create a peaceful and intellectual society. It is the duty of the parents to ensure physical, mental, emotional and financial development of their children.”
It is a well known fact that the homes act as the first Schools for children. Since homes being the earliest schools, parents need to give moral education to their kids right from infancy. Parents should make homes as child friendly and create an environment of peace where the kids could learn in a friendly way. Peaceful environment is a prerequisite for physical and mental development of children. Parents should act as the role models for their children and hence their activities should not be against the moral values. They can influence their children’s behavior, values, and how they make decisions. Parents should teach healthy habits to their children, help them to model positive relationships with society and family members, developing among them the positive approach to education and learning, Parents should teach their children how to be accountable for their actions by admitting their mistakes and talking about how to correct them, show respect to others and to teach them the difference between right and wrong. Parents should guide their children in proper direction and to make them ready to fight against the problems and challenges in life. It is the moral duty of parents to spend their time with their children as it is important for overall well-being of their children and can help them develop a strong sense of security, love, and support. It can help them feel valued, build self-esteem, and improve their mental and physical health. Parents need to do some activities together with their children. Parents should occasionally involve children in Cooking food items. Parents should involve children in Learning new things together ( painting, drawing, yoga, dance, singing), enjoying special rituals together. Some special achievements and festivals need to be celebrated together. Parents need to impart religious teachings among the children as all the religions preach good manners and moral values. Drug addiction has now become one of the serious challenges in our society. Parents need to give moral lessons and values among children and must make them aware about the consequences of drug Addiction. Right from the infancy parents need to teach children to speak truth and follow honesty in all circumstances. It is a fact that “Actions speak louder than words”. Parents themselves need to act as role models by following moral values like honesty, truthfulness etc. as the child is an imitator who imitates parental actions. Here it is the responsibility of parents to praise the good virtues of their children. Parents also need to teach and practice equality in family and give regular lessons on equality to their children. Parents should avoid favoritism in family matters. Every child deserves equal love and care on the part of parents. Discrimination among the children can damage their emotional development and create inferiority and superiority complexes. Our prophet Mohammad SAW is said to have reported, “ Maintain justice among your children in gifts, just like you would like them to be just with you in goodness and affection. “ Children should not be scolded as making mistakes by children is a common thing and parents need to handle them with patience and kindness in a way that they can easily accept their guilt. Children are just like soft and fertile soil, so they should not be crushed while planting good seed in them. It is a fact that the children will learn slowly and gradually. Parents must know about the rights of children and should make efforts to protect these rights. Right to survival is an important right which should be ensured to all children irrespective of their gender or social background. All children should be ensured Right to Education. Parents should not sacrifice the education of their children on the grounds of poverty, caste, creed, colour etc. Right to Protection also needs to be ensured to children and children should be protected from abuse and exploitation, trafficking and child marriage. . Right to Participation should also be guaranteed. Every child deserves a platform to voice their opinions, ideas, and concerns. Encouraging their participation in decision-making processes fosters a sense of responsibility and citizenship from a young age. Right to Development emphasizes the importance of ensuring that all children have access to nutrition, healthcare, and opportunities that promote their physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Children should also be guaranteed Right To Health And Well-Being which encompasses proper immunization and sanitation facilities to prevent children from diseases. Every child also has Right to Identity including a name and nationality. Right to Expression is an important right which children need to enjoy right from the childhood. Children should be allowed to express their thoughts, ideas, and creativity without fear. Children should also be ensured Right against Discrimination as favoring one over other discourages the discriminated ones. Gender discrimination must also be rooted out as it causes disorder in society and increases the seeds of paternal society. Right to a Safe Environment emphasizes the need for a clean, safe, and sustainable environment, ensuring that children inherit a planet that is conducive to their well-being. Parents should shoulder a number of responsibilities of children like protection, education, health care, providing peaceful environment, guaranteeing their rights etc. to create a peaceful and intellectual society. It is the duty of the parents to ensure physical, mental, emotional and financial development of their children.
(The author is a Teacher at GHSS Kandoora, Budgam . The views, opinions and conclusions expressed in this article are those of the author and aren’t necessarily in accord with the views of “Kashmir Horizon”)
Gulzar Ahmad Ganayee
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