Parents play a key role in the preservation and improvement of the infants’ physical and psychological health. Religion plays a central role in shaping the core values and beliefs regarding family life, and aspects of religion affect the parenting styles. Parents’ religiosity seems to be positively associated with an authoritative parenting style, especially with more positive parent-child relationships. All religions and all societies have given parents an honorable status. Based on the Islamic thoughts, God is the main carer and nurturer of the infants. The Holy Quran introduces God as the merciful cherisher of all creatures (Quran 1:1, 2; 6:164; 21:112; 23:118). As the creator and the teacher of the creation, God is responsible for the improvement of human affairs. Caring is therefore an act of God. He introduces himself as the protector and guardian of the creations in the glorious Quran (Quran 4:1; 11:57; 12:64; 33:52).God takes care of the infants before and after their birth through his contrivance in the creation and by providing them with caregivers. He nurtures the tiny embryo in the mother’s womb. God has instilled in the parents a love for the infant and has made them compassionate and careful toward him/her. The parents are indeed the agents of God for taking care of and nurturing the infant and paving the way for his/her proper nurturance. In the Islamic perspective, children are considered as the continuance of parents’ lives, even after their death. Having children is considered as the grace of God, and parents deserve divine rewards due to giving birth to children, taking care of them, and behaving them in a kind manner. This viewpoint, on the other hand, proposes God as the protector of the infant against parents’ negligence of their duties in taking care of the infant properly. Like God, parents and child care givers should be good and kind to the child and nurture him/her on a basis of tolerance, mercy, and compassion. In Islam, being good and kind to the infant is as important as being good and kind to the parents, and cruelty to children is strictly prohibited. In case of child abuse by parents, they will suffer from a divine retribution in the next world and a hard life in this world. From a purely material viewpoint, we find ourselves indebted to our parents, particularly our mother. She not only nourished us in her womb, but went through pain and suffering. She loved us even before we were born. She toiled when we were totally helpless infants. She spent sleepless nights caring for us. Our parents as a team provided for all our needs: physical, educational, psychological, and in many instances, religious, moral, and spiritual. Our indebtedness to our parents is so immense that it is not possible to repay it fully. The position of parents, and the mutual obligations and responsibilities, have been addressed in Islam in great detail. The Qur’anic commandments, as well as the sayings of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) guide us in this matter. The parent-child code of behavior in Islam is unique, since rules were laid down by divine command. The parents have an incontestable effect on the physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual health of the child’s current and future life. Regarding this, the selection of a proper spouse as guided by Islam, who is enjoying good health in all dimensions and is capable of becoming a suitable father or mother, should be taken into account prior to marriage. Infact, mother has the greatest impact on the infant’s physical and psychological aspects during pregnancy and breastfeeding, men are advised to choose a wife that can handle motherhood responsibilities properly and transfer good personality characteristics to the child. The holy prophet (PBUH) introduces children as the flowers of paradise sent by God to parents. It is parents’ responsibility to take care of this entrusted gift as ordered by the merciful God, his owner, through his instructions. The key to any successful parent programme is encapsulated in the following quotation from the Qur’an, “Let there arise from amongst you a community inviting to all that is good, enjoining what is right and forbidding what is wrong; they are the ones who are successful. References to parents have been made at least 15 times in the Holy Qur’an. There are numerous traditions of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) on this subject. I will first quote some of the Qur’anic verses here: “And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents. In travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in two years was his weaning. Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents; to Me is thy final goal.” (Quran 31:14) According to the above verse, gratitude to God and to parents go hand in hand. Gratitude to God is incomplete without showing gratitude to one’s parents. Since being grateful to God is a form of ibadah (worship) which earns heavenly rewards, it can therefore be said that being grateful to one’s parents also earns heavenly rewards. “Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or more attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say, “my Lord! bestow on them Thy Mercy, even as they cherished me in childhood.” (Quran 17: 23-24) “We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents; in pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth.” (Quran 46:15) Thus, God has enjoined on us to show kindness, respect, and humility to our parents. We are commanded to do this, even though they may have injured us. The only exception to the above command is made in the following verse: “We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents; but if they strive (to force) thee to join with Me anything of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not.” (Quran 29:8) Some of the traditions of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), and of the learned members of his family, about our responsibilities toward our parents are quoted here: “Paradise lies under the feet of the mother.” “God’s pleasure is in the pleasure of the father, and God’s displeasure is in the displeasure of the father.” “He who wishes to enter Paradise through its best door must please his parents.”
Even though a father is the provider of the family, our beloved Prophet (saw) stated that the status of a mother is 3 times above that of a father. It is a pity that some people may not attain Paradise, on account of not serving their old parents. If a person looks with love at his parents, God writes in his favor the reward equal to the performance of one Hajj. [Someone asked, “will this promise be good if one looks at his parents one hundred times a day?” The Holy Prophet (pbuh) replied, “even if one does so a hundred thousand times a day, God gives the reward accordingly.”] “A man or woman is bound to be good to his or her parents, even though they may have injured him or her.” According to one of the Hadith-e-Qudsi, the following is reported about the status of parents: “God has commanded that if anybody prays equal to the invocations performed by the prophets, such prayers will do no good if that person has been cursed by his or her parents.” It has also been related that the very first words which have been written on the Lauh-e-Mahfuz (The Heavenly Preserved Tablet) are: “I am God, and there is no deity except Me. I am pleased with those with whom their parents are pleased, and I am displeased with those with whom their parents are displeased.” Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) is reported to have said: “On the Day of Judgment, my person will not be seen by those who drank liquor, those who on hearing my name did not invoke the blessings of God on me, or those who were cursed and disowned by their parents.” ‘Ali ibn al-Husain (ra) is reported to have said: “The right of your mother on you is that you should know that nobody could endure the trouble and the conditions under which she protected you and nourished you with the juice of her life, and tried with her heart and soul to satisfy all your needs in relation to hunger, thirst, dress, etc. She passed sleepless nights, suffering anxieties. She provided you with shelter against heat and cold, and protected you from ailments. It is not possible for you to compensate her, or thank her enough for all the services, except that God may give you guidance for that. The right of your father on you is that you should know that it is he who brought you into existence, and you are a branch of the tree of his life.” According to a reliable tradition, it is related that a man came to Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) and asked him to whom he should render kindness. The prophet told him to be kind to his mother. Three times he put the same question to the prophet, and three times he got the same answer. When he asked the question the fourth time, he was told to be kind to his father, indicating that the mother’s right took precedence over that of the father. Islam has assigned certain duties to parents that they must fulfill. If they fail in those, they will be questioned about it. Besides providing the basic necessities of life, Islam requires that the parents teach their children about the Oneness of God, the Quranic commandments, values, the Prophets and their teachings, and the moral code of Islam as according to the Quran and the Sunnah (teachings) of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). Many people from the developing third world have moved to western countries in the last few decades. The various reasons for their migration are globalization, better opportunities for a safer, secure and prosperous life, the curse of increasing authoritarianism in their native lands, etc. This trend will continue in all likelihood as long as their native countries fail to provide the minimum necessities of life required to arrest or discourage such voluntary migration. Then, tens of millions of people are forced to migrate because of war and/or unfathomed persecution and genocidal crimes of the state and non-state actors in many parts of the world. The problem is more acute for Muslim immigrants to Western Europe, the USA, and Canada. There are serious problems within the adopted societies with high divorce rates, single parenting challenges, guns, racial and religious violence, and declining morality. Added to that is a dominant Christian culture that is doctrinally so different. In recent decades, especially since 9/11, these immigrants also face hate crimes and discrimination as never before. A 2018 Pew Research found that some 23% of born Muslims no longer identify themselves with Islam in the USA, thus diluting the Muslim percentage despite the conversion of many non-Muslims to Islam; that is, Muslims lose as many people as they gain to their faith. So serious is this identity crisis amongst immigrant Muslims and their children that, according to a Columbia University study, some 29% of Muslim youths in college campuses use non-Muslim names to hide their Islamic identity. It is a big challenge for Muslim parents who want to raise their children as responsible, confident, and successful, yet faithful individuals in this fast-faced non-Muslim and sometimes hostile culture. While an apple to apple comparison may not be possible, arguably, there is nothing better than following the footsteps of the Prophet Muhammad (S), who had raised his children in an utterly hostile polytheistic culture that persecuted him and his followers, forcing them to immigrate from their native land. His (S) life and teachings remain the best examples for any Muslim to emulate. In Makkah, he (S) home schooled his children and cousin Ali (RA), who grew up under his guardianship. Each one of them is a great role model for Muslims at any age. For a Muslim, there is nothing more important than his/her faith in the Oneness of Allah, i.e., the Tawhid. If such a belief is impossible to practice in one’s adopted country, migration there is considered to be wrong and highly discouraged. On the other hand, when a person’s faith is threatened in his native land, he is commanded to migrate whenever possible (Qur’an 4:97-100). As a matter of fact, migration for the cause of Allah is a highly commendable and rewarding act. The Prophet Muhammad (S) himself and many of his followers migrated to Madinah (formerly Yathrib) after enduring 13 years of persecution at the hands of idolaters of Makkah. Parents’ role in molding a child’s character is enormous as Satan is ever prepared to derail every child of Adam. In Islam, it is strongly recommended that when a child is born, both the adhan and iqamah (the calls to prayer) be recited into the ears of the newborn, and an aqiqah be held with food distributed within few days to thank Allah and seek His protection for the child. As the child grows up, he/she should be taught the fundamentals of faith, tawhid (Oneness of God), ikhlas (sincerity), akhlaq (morality), adab (manners and etiquette), and duties (wajib) and rights (huquq), halal (permissible) and haram (forbidden). The Prophet Muhammad (S) said, “No father has given a greater gift to his children than good moral training.” [Tirmizi] The parents, like the shepherds of the household, must spend enough time to play and build such qualities that are vital to the physical, emotional, and spiritual nourishment and well-being of the child. In this age of information, as the child grows up, especially in the western world, he/she is usually drawn to watching tv and video games, which can have a harmful effect unless these are monitored and regulated properly. Muslim parents have a responsibility to care for their children physically and emotionally. Their goal is for their children to grow into self-disciplined, independent adults. Parents are expected to teach their children right from wrong. Children are expected to respect their parents. Let us pray to Almighty that He guide us to be respectful, kind, and obedient to our parents, and that we continue to show them humility regardless of the power, position, wealth, and influence we may possess. Let us also pray that we be patient, kind, thoughtful, and friendly with our children, as we guide them through their lives, and that we discharge our responsibilities towards them as required by our religion, so that Allah may be pleased with us, and may He Bless and reward us, both in this world and in the Hereafter. Aameen!
(Authors regularly write on Islamic topics excliusively for the opinion pages of “Kashmir Horizon” . The views, opinions, facts, assumptions, presumptions and conclusions expressed in this article are author’s own and aren’t necessarily in accord with the views of “Kashmir Horizon.)
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